If I Had to Heal From You, You Don’t Get Access to Me

If I cried over you, not the Jodeci Cry For You kind but the kind that sent me to therapy, unraveled my nervous system, and forced me to learn the difference between love and endurance, I am not letting you back into my life.

That sentence did not come easily. It was earned.

For a long time, I believed forgiveness meant reopening doors. Answering texts. Letting nostalgia blur the truth. Allowing familiarity to masquerade as safety. I was taught explicitly and implicitly that grace required proximity. That healing meant making room. That being spiritually mature looked like access. No one told me how much of myself I was surrendering in the process.

Last year’s heartbreak did not arrive dramatically. It came quietly through patterns. Through emotional inconsistency dressed up as misunderstanding. Through moments where my body knew something, my heart was still negotiating. I kept explaining behavior that did not need explanation. I kept offering compassion where accountability should have lived.

And then I broke.

Not loudly. Not publicly. But in the slow, destabilizing way that changes how you move through the world. I cried in therapy sessions where I had to say things out loud that I had been minimizing for months. I learned language from what I experienced. I learned how often I overrode my own boundaries just to keep the connection alive.

Healing asked me better questions than love ever did.

Why did I stay when my body was signaling danger?
Why did I confuse patience with self-abandonment?
Why did I think forgiveness was proof of strength?

The hardest part was not letting go of you. It was letting go of who I was when I loved you. I had to grieve the version of myself who believed loyalty required suffering. Who thought understanding someone’s wounds meant absorbing their harm? Who believed endurance was devotion.

Therapy did not make me bitter. It made me honest. And honesty removed the illusion that reconciliation was required for peace. Forgiveness is internal. Reconciliation is relational.

Forgiveness lives in my breath, my prayers, my nervous system, finally at rest. Reconciliation requires safety, consistency, and repair. You did not offer those. And I stopped negotiating with absence.

So no, I do not hate you. I do not need revenge. I do not need closure conversations that reopen wounds I worked hard to close.

I forgive you.

But healing changed my access points. It taught me that peace sometimes looks like distance. That love can exist without proximity. That choosing myself does not require an explanation. If I had to rebuild myself after you, you do not get to meet who I became.

Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. It requires truth. And the truth is, I am no longer available for what broke me.

Free Me From the “Girl’s Girl” Label

I want to say this carefully, because nuance matters.

I’m not anti-women.
I’m not anti-sisterhood.
I’m not anti-community.

However, I am deeply uninterested in performative labels that don’t align with my actual behavior.

Somewhere along the way, “girl’s girl” became a badge people wear instead of a practice they live. And in my experience, many of the loudest claims of sisterhood have come from spaces that felt unsafe, competitive, passive-aggressive, or quietly cruel.

I’ve learned that not every woman who smiles at you is for you.
Not every “sis” is safe.
And not every space labeled empowering actually empowers.

And that truth doesn’t make me bitter.
It makes me discerning.

I no longer need to be called a girl’s girl.
I need integrity.
I need emotional maturity.
I need accountability.
I need women who can celebrate without comparison, support without competition, and communicate without manipulation.

I’ve been in rooms where the language was “support,” but the energy was envy.
Where the connection felt conditional.
Where success made people uncomfortable.
Where vulnerability was collected, it was not protected.

And I’ve also been blessed by women who showed up quietly, consistently, and without performance. Women who didn’t need to announce their loyalty. Women who didn’t need a label to be decent.

That’s the difference.

Real sisterhood doesn’t need branding.
It needs character.

I also noticed something else this year, and I paid attention.

When I got engaged, the energy shifted with certain women. Subtle at first. Then obvious. Women who once checked in consistently when I was single and healing suddenly went quiet. The “hey sis” texts slowed down. The likes disappeared. The shares stopped. The calls became nonexistent.

So I did what I always do: I observed.

I went ghost from social media for a few months, not to test anyone, but to protect my peace and heal from my breakup. And in that silence, patterns revealed themselves. Support that once felt abundant evaporated the moment my life expanded. And that told me everything I needed to know.

I realized some people weren’t connected to me; they were connected to a version of me that felt non-threatening. A version they could relate to, advise, or feel superior to. When that version evolved, so did their discomfort.

I didn’t confront.
I didn’t explain.
I didn’t announce anything.

I simply peeped the energy and did a full sweep.

No warnings. No speeches. Just boundaries.

Because I’m not in competition with anyone. I’m not auditioning for space in anyone’s life. And I refuse to stay connected to people who only celebrate me when I’m struggling, but grow distant when I’m chosen, loved, or aligned.

What stood out most was the irony.

Many of the same women who claimed “girl’s girl” and “women empowerment” energy were the ones moving strangely online and in person once they realized I wasn’t engaging in the nonsense, the comparison, or the unspoken tension.

That’s when it clicked for me.

Labels mean nothing without character.
And empowerment that collapses under another woman’s joy isn’t empowerment at all.

At this stage of my life, I’m choosing relationships rooted in alignment, not optics. I’m choosing peace over proximity. Discernment over belonging. Depth over labels.

If that means I don’t fit neatly into someone else’s definition of a “girl’s girl,” I’m okay with that.

I don’t need a title.
I need truth.
I need safety.
I need a grown-woman connection.

And I trust myself enough now to choose that quietly, cleanly, and without apology.

Black America"s Relationship with Mental Health:

Black America’s Relationship with Mental Health explores one of the most critical and often overlooked dimensions of our community’s well-being—how history, culture, and access shape the way we experience and talk about mental health. For generations, Black families have carried the weight of collective trauma, systemic inequality, and cultural stigma around seeking therapy or emotional support. This discussion shines light on those realities while reclaiming a narrative rooted in healing, self-awareness, and community care. In this special episode, Let’s Talk 2 brings together voices from across the spectrum—therapists, advocates, parents, and youth—to unpack why mental health remains a complex topic in Black America. We look at the statistics: suicide is now the third leading cause of death among Black youth aged 15-34, yet access to culturally competent care remains dangerously low. Many in our community still encounter barriers of cost, trust, and representation, with only about 5% of psychologists identifying as Black. The conversation challenges the silence. It embraces new approaches rooted in empathy, spirituality, and cultural understanding. It asks how we can normalize seeking help, expand awareness of resources like the 988 crisis line, and strengthen family and faith-based support systems that already exist within our communities. Together, we’re breaking the stigma—turning pain into purpose, and silence into strength. Healing begins when we talk about it.

Black America's Relationship with Mental Health Part 2

Black men in America stand at the crossroads of strength, survival, and silence. For generations, they have been expected to carry the weight of families, communities, and society while hiding their own emotional wounds. This episode of Black America’s Relationship With Mental Health – Part 2 focuses directly on the experiences, challenges, and healing journeys of Black men. From historical trauma to modern-day pressures, Black men face a unique set of emotional and psychological demands. Racism, economic instability, over-policing, incarceration, and cultural expectations of toughness often leave little room for vulnerability. Many Black men are taught early on that expressing pain is a weakness and that asking for help is unacceptable. These beliefs, combined with systemic barriers to care, have created a silent crisis—one where depression, anxiety, PTSD, and emotional exhaustion are far more common than openly discussed. This episode breaks the silence. We explore the mental-health struggles that many Black men secretly face, the stigma that keeps them quiet, and the urgent need for culturally competent support systems. We highlight the importance of safe spaces—barbershops, brotherhood circles, faith communities, therapy, mentorship, and honest conversations between fathers and sons. Through personal stories, expert insight, and community dialogue, this conversation centers on reclaiming emotional freedom. It challenges the narrative that Black men must suffer alone. Instead, we uplift new narratives of accountability, vulnerability, and healing—reminding Black men that strength does not mean silence. This show is a call to action: to check on Black men, to honor their humanity, and to build environments where they can breathe, express, and heal without judgment. Healing is not just possible—it is necessary. And together, we can create a future where Black men are fully supported, emotionally empowered, and mentally free.

How to Outsmart Imposter Syndrome and Unleash Your Full Potential Written by Kevin Ogle, Featured Blogger

Introduction

Imposter syndrome feels like walking into every room convinced someone’s going to “find you out.” You might have the job, the credentials, the applause — yet deep down, you suspect you’ve somehow fooled everyone. This psychological tug-of-war can quietly sabotage even the most capable individuals. But the truth? You belong here.

Key Takeaways

Imposter syndrome is the persistent belief that you’re not as competent as others think you are — despite evidence to the contrary. It leads to anxiety, self-doubt, and overwork. To conquer it:

●     Recognize the thought patterns.

●     Reframe failure as feedback.

●     Build a self-validation routine.

●     Strengthen your skills to reinforce confidence.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where people doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as “frauds.” It’s not tied to actual competence; it’s tied to distorted perception.

Common symptoms include:

●     Chronic self-doubt and perfectionism

●     Dismissing praise or attributing success to luck

●     Overpreparing or overworking to “prove” worth

●     Comparing yourself constantly to others

●     Feeling unworthy of opportunities or recognition

If you see yourself here, you’re in good company. Researchers estimate up to 70% of professionals experience imposter feelings at some point in their lives.

Checklist: How to Reclaim Your Confidence

1. Name it. Call out imposter thoughts when they appear.
   
   
2. Challenge distortions. Ask: “What evidence disproves this?”
   
   
3. Keep a success log. Write down achievements, big or small.
   
   
4. Normalize struggle. Everyone — yes, everyone — starts uncertain.
   
   
5. Share openly. Talking with peers breaks the isolation loop.
   
   
6. Set realistic goals. Perfection isn’t proof; progress is.
   
   
7. Celebrate wins without disclaimers. No “buts,” no “justs.”
   
   

Quick Table: Common Triggers & Reframes

Trigger Thought	Emotional Impact	Constructive Reframe
“I don’t deserve this role.”	Anxiety, fear	“I earned this through consistent effort.”
“I’m not as smart as my peers.”	Shame	“Everyone brings different strengths.”
“If I fail, they’ll find out I’m not capable.”	Panic	“Failure is feedback, not a verdict.”
“It was just luck.”	Discrediting success	“Luck played a part, but so did my preparation.”

How-To: Build Emotional Resilience

●     Step 1: Accept that confidence is a skill, not a trait.

●     Step 2: Practice mindful self-talk — your inner dialogue shapes your self-image.

●     Step 3: Create a daily self-affirmation habit (start with one line like “I am capable and learning.”)

●     Step 4: Seek mentorship — trusted advisors help you see yourself clearly.

●     Step 5: Revisit your “wins file” when doubt creeps in.

Tip: Pair this with personal development tools like MindTools’ Confidence Toolkit, or learn about emotional resilience at Psychology Today.

Strengthen Your Foundation Through Learning

Building competence is one of the most powerful antidotes to imposter feelings. Upskilling not only increases your knowledge but rewires your brain’s “I don’t belong” narrative.

If you’ve ever thought, “I just need to know more before I can…” — consider structured growth through education. Expanding your skills in technology, leadership, or creative domains can solidify your sense of self-efficacy.

For example, earning a computer science degree equips you with problem-solving frameworks and technical fluency — traits that boost confidence in the digital age. Many programs are built to fit around work and life demands. To explore one flexible option, check out this resource.

Featured Resource: Building Confidence with Skillshare

If full-time study feels like a stretch, short learning bursts can be transformative. Platforms like Skillshare offer bite-sized creative and professional development courses — from presentation confidence to coding — that reinforce capability without overwhelming your schedule.

FAQ: You’re Not Alone

Q: Is imposter syndrome the same as low self-esteem?
 A: Not exactly. Imposter syndrome often affects high achievers who have self-esteem; it’s more about distorted thinking than lack of ability.

Q: Can therapy help?
 A: Absolutely. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can reshape internal narratives and reduce perfectionism patterns.

Q: Does it ever go away completely?
 A: It can fade significantly with awareness, support, and practice — but even confident people occasionally revisit those feelings. The key is managing, not erasing them.

Bonus List: Grounding Reminders for “Fraud” Days

●     You’ve earned your place.

●     Confidence is built, not bestowed.

●     Doubt is a sign of growth, not incompetence.

●     You are becoming the expert you once looked up to.

Conclusion

Imposter syndrome thrives in silence but weakens in clarity. When you name it, normalize it, and take consistent steps toward self-trust, you start reclaiming your energy from fear. Remember — confidence isn’t the absence of doubt; it’s the decision to act anyway.

Interviews and Workplace Strategies That’ll Have You Winning Every Time

Let’s be real, interviews can be intimidating, especially when you’re trying to secure a role that aligns with your purpose, peace, and paycheck. Over the years, I’ve learned how to navigate interviews and workplace culture with confidence, clarity, and discernment. I’ve been on both sides of the table, interviewing for roles and interviewing others, and one thing’s for sure: people remember how you make them feel.

Here are some of my go-to gems for walking into and out of every interview like the blessing you are.

1. Preparation is your superpower.

Before you even log into Zoom or walk into the room, research the organization. Know their mission, their values, and how the role contributes to their goals. Come ready with at least three thoughtful questions, not just to impress them, but to make sure they align with you.

2. Your non-verbal communication speaks first.

Before you say a word, your body language tells your story. Practice eye contact because it shows security and confidence. Keep your posture strong but relaxed. Don’t cross your arms (closed energy). Instead, use open hand gestures and a warm smile.

And sis, let’s talk about handshakes. A firm handshake says, I belong here.

No dead fish handshakes, aht aht. 

3. Dress to win, even virtually.

Whether you’re interviewing in person or on Zoom, how you present yourself matters. Dress professionally, but let your personality shine through. Keep your background clean with minimal distractions, and if it’s virtual, log in 10 minutes early. Show up calm, prepared, and centered in your greatness.

4. Don’t just answer, connect.

When they ask about your experience, connect your answers to the impact you made, not just the tasks you did. Use your stories to show your leadership, emotional intelligence, and problem-solving skills. Employers don’t just want to know what you did, they want to know how you did it and why it mattered.

5. Pay attention to their energy, too.

You’re not the only one being interviewed. Watch the panel’s body language. Are they engaged, warm, and present, or do they seem drained and dismissive? You can tell a lot about a workplace by how people show up in interviews.

If the interviewer looks exhausted, unorganized, or rude, that’s your sign. You deserve to work somewhere that values balance and respect.

6. Know your worth, and speak it.

Let’s stop lowballing ourselves. You’ve spent years building your experience, education, and professionalism. Say your salary number with your whole chest and don’t blink.

When negotiating, remember, it’s not just about the money. Ask about flexibility, hybrid schedules, vacation time, and professional development. These things add up to a healthy, fulfilling work life.

7. Keep your brand clean and consistent.

Do a quick Google search on your name. Make sure your LinkedIn reflects your current skills, achievements, and personality. Hiring managers look, trust me. Your brand should say: I’m credible, confident, and consistent.

8. Follow up and stand out.

After your interview, send a short, genuine thank-you email. Most people don’t do this, and it’s one of the simplest ways to leave a lasting impression.

9. Remember, you’re interviewing them too.

You are not desperate, you’re discerning. Ask yourself, does this environment feel peaceful or performative? Supportive or draining? If it doesn’t align with who you are and what you value, keep it moving.

10. Always show up as your authentic self.

Stop trying to perform or fit into boxes. You’ve already done the work, gained the experience, and earned your seat at the table. The healed, confident version of you doesn’t chase, overexplain, or overextend; she enforces boundaries, trusts her intuition, and protects her peace like it’s holy ground.

Final Word

You’ve got the skills to pay the bills. You don’t need another degree; you need courage, clarity, and strategy. The workplace is evolving, and so are you. Walk, act, and know that you’re the blessing.

 

How Women Can Advance Their Careers and Reach Their Dream Roles (Featured Blogger Kevin Ogle)

Success looks different for every woman — but one constant is the desire to grow, lead, and be recognized for the value you bring. Whether you’re early in your career or aiming for the C-suite, building your path with clarity, confidence, and strategy can change everything.

●     Define what success means to you — not what others expect.

●     Build a strong network and ask for mentorship early.

●     Learn to advocate for your worth with data, not emotion.

●     Keep learning new skills — tech, leadership, communication.

●     Don’t wait for permission to start your own thing.

Key Growth Strategies by Career Stage

 

Career Stage	Core Focus	Common Challenge	Strategic Move
Early Career	Building credibility	Self-doubt	Volunteer for visible projects
Mid-Level	Expanding influence	Plateauing	Learn to delegate + mentor others
Senior Leadership	Legacy + impact	Work-life balance	Protect your time like a resource
Transitioning to Entrepreneurship	Autonomy	Risk + overwhelm	Start lean, seek support from formation platforms

Ask, Don’t Wait — How to Navigate Growth Conversations

Too many women assume hard work automatically leads to recognition. It doesn’t. Prepare to negotiate your value using specific results (e.g., “I increased customer retention by 12%”) instead of vague contributions. Start tracking your wins weekly. Use simple tools like Notion, Google Sheets, or even your notes app. Those receipts matter when performance reviews roll around.

5 Steps to Move Toward Your Dream Role

1. Clarify your “north star.” Write down what you want your career to look like in 5 years — title, impact, income.
   
   
2. Get visible. Speak up in meetings, publish thought pieces on LinkedIn, or contribute to professional communities.
   
   
3. Cultivate sponsors, not just mentors. Mentors advise — sponsors open doors.
   
   
4. Build resilience. Rejection, slow progress, or bias — it’s all part of the process. Bounce forward.
   
   
5. Audit your environment. If your current company doesn’t value growth or inclusivity, prepare your exit plan — with intention.
   
   

The “Own It” Era — Starting Your Own Business

There comes a moment when some women realize: climbing someone else’s ladder just isn’t the goal. Entrepreneurship offers autonomy, flexibility, and creative fulfillment — but also risk.

One smart step? Simplify the setup. Platforms like ZenBusiness help you form an LLC, design a logo, build a website, and manage finances — all in one place. You don’t need a massive budget; you need momentum.

Pair that with reading The Lean Startup for strategy to brand your ideas visually.

The Power Moves List

●     Find mentors who look nothing like you — diversity of experience equals depth.

●     Negotiate early and often — the gender pay gap starts with the first job.

●     Say “no” to roles that don’t serve your longer vision.

●     Use an all-in-one business platform if you’re exploring independence.

●     Document your expertise: blog, podcast, or online workshop.

●     Build “social capital” before you need it. Attend conferences, engage on Eventbrite or Meetup.

●     Learn financial literacy — try Ellevest or Mint for personal growth.

FAQ — Navigating Work and Ambition

Q1. How do I ask for a raise without sounding aggressive?
Frame it with data. Use phrases like, “Based on market benchmarks and my recent results, I’d like to discuss aligning compensation.”

Q2. What if my company doesn’t support women in leadership?
Leave, strategically. Companies that resist diversity limit your growth ceiling. Research inclusive organizations on Glassdoor.

Q3. I’m balancing family and career — is that even possible?
Yes, but redefine balance as “rhythm.” Some weeks lean into work, others into life. Tools like Todoist can help manage both.

Q4. How do I handle imposter syndrome?
Name it, reframe it, and act anyway. Confidence grows from doing, not waiting.

Featured Product Highlight — Elevating Your Workspace

Let’s talk about productivity. If you often juggle multiple projects, consider upgrading your workflow with Trello. It’s a simple, visual board system that helps organize career goals, side hustles, or team projects. Bonus: it integrates with Slack, Google Drive, and calendar tools for seamless collaboration.

Glossary

●     Sponsor: A senior advocate who actively champions your career.

●     Imposter Syndrome: Feeling unqualified despite success.

●     Glass Ceiling: Unseen barriers preventing advancement for women.

●     Equity: Fair opportunity and representation — not identical treatment.

●     Soft Skills: Communication, empathy, and leadership — often undervalued but career-defining.

Every woman’s career journey is a mosaic — built from resilience, mentorship, courage, and sometimes, rebellion. The key is not just climbing the ladder but building your own staircase. So, wherever you are: take the next small, bold step. Your dream role isn’t a destination — it’s a direction. Keep walking.