“Black love is a reminder of our resilience, our beauty, and the joy that grows when two hearts unite in purpose and passion.” – Unknown
Sis, I need you to know something: love after heartbreak is possible. It’s real. And it can happen at any age, including what I like to call “the big age.” At 41 years old, I recently got engaged—a beautiful surprise that has filled my heart with joy. But let me take you back a little because the journey wasn’t easy.
The Aftermath of Divorce
I never spoke much about my divorce. It was messy, traumatic, and painful. For two years, I went to therapy on and off, working to heal the hurt, unpack my emotions, and rebuild myself. I kept things private, avoiding the drama of "who did what", smear campaigns, and other gossip. I didn’t want to live in bitterness, so I focused on moving forward with grace and peace.
During my divorce, I didn’t date. I didn’t want to add another layer of pain by connecting with someone who might take advantage of my vulnerabilities. Instead, I focused on me. I cried, prayed, journaled, and rebuilt my life from the inside out. I even took solo trips, became my own best friend, and started to truly love myself.
A New Chapter Begins
After my divorce was finalized, I started dreaming again. I sat down and wrote a list of qualities I wanted in a partner, focusing on values and character rather than just surface-level desires. I surrendered it all to God and trusted Him to lead the way.
Fast forward to October 2022. I was at the Morehouse-Tuskegee football classic, looking and feeling my best, just minding my business. Out of nowhere, I heard someone call my name—"Miss Stallworth." I turned around, and there he was—an old friend from undergrad. What started as a chance encounter turned into something beautiful.
Our first “catch-up” outing turned into an unforgettable night. That friend I met in World History class at Tuskegee became my fiancé. And now, we’re planning the rest of our lives together.
Lessons and Love
For my sisters navigating life post-divorce, here’s my heart to yours:
- Heal Before You Love Again. Take the time to focus on yourself. Cry, journal, pray, and seek therapy if needed. Rebuild from within.
- Don’t Rush the Process. Dating during a vulnerable time can lead to soul ties you don’t want. Be intentional about your healing before putting yourself back out there.
- Be Open but Discern. Consult God about your relationships. Stop choosing your “type” if your type has consistently brought you pain.
- Glow Up and Evolve. Hit the gym, take solo trips, write love letters to yourself, and rediscover your passions.
- Explore New Spaces. Love may not be in your usual places. Try new events, hobbies, and locations.
Sis, bitterness will age you, but love—starting with self-love—will rejuvenate you. Don’t believe the myth that the dating pool is spoiled. Step into new spaces with confidence, trust God’s timing, and love yourself so fiercely that the right man recognizes your worth immediately.
Your future love is out there, Sis. But first, make sure you love and honor yourself fully. The journey may not be easy, but it’s worth it. Trust me, I’ve lived it. 💕
