The Art of Choosing Myself

An excerpt from my upcoming essay collection, If I'm Being Honest

There comes a point in life when you realize you've spent more time waiting than living.

Waiting for the right season.
Waiting for the right relationship.
Waiting until you feel ready.
Waiting for permission to fully embrace the life that's already yours.

For years, I believed joy would arrive someday—that life would truly begin once everything fell into place. Healing taught me something different. It reminded me that life isn't something we postpone until the circumstances are perfect. It's unfolding every single day.

The Art of Choosing Myself is one of the most personal essays in my upcoming collection, If I'm Being Honest, because it tells the story of what happened when I stopped waiting and started living.

I hope these words encourage you to embrace the life you have today while trusting God with the life you're still praying for.

---

There was a time when I believed joy had to be shared to be real.

I thought the best meals were meant to be eaten across from someone else.

The best concerts were meant to be experienced hand in hand.

The best vacations require company.

The best memories needed witnesses.

Then life taught me something unexpected.

Some of the most beautiful moments of my life happened when it was just me.

After years of surviving, grieving, rebuilding, and waiting for life to feel "normal" again, I stopped postponing my happiness.

I stopped waiting for someone to accompany me before I experienced joy.

Instead, I started asking myself a different question:

"What would make me feel alive today?"

Sometimes the answer was simple.

A walk through an art festival.

A concert under the stars.

A museum.

A solo road trip.

A quiet dinner.

A candle-making class.

Taking photographs of places that made me pause.

Watching people dance.

Laughing with strangers.

Buying myself flowers just because.

None of those moments were extraordinary by themselves.

But together, they became something sacred.

They became evidence that my life was happening now—not someday.

For years, I unknowingly postponed joy.

"I'll do that when I'm married."

"I'll go there when I have someone."

"I'll celebrate after I accomplish this."

Healing reminded me that life is not a waiting room.

It is happening every single day.

I realized I wasn't learning how to be alone.

I was learning how to enjoy my own company.

There's a difference.

Being alone can feel like absence.

Enjoying your own company feels like freedom.

The more I chose myself, the less I needed external validation to enjoy my life.

I became curious again.

Creative again.

Playful again.

I started saying yes to experiences instead of excuses.

I wandered through festivals with my camera.

I explored cities I'd never seen before.

I laughed out loud with no audience.

I created memories that belonged entirely to me.

And somewhere along the way...

I stopped feeling like I was waiting for my life to begin.

It already had.

One of the greatest gifts healing gave me wasn't confidence.

It was permission.

Permission to stop waiting.

Permission to stop apologizing for taking up space.

Permission to enjoy the life God had already given me.

Today, choosing myself doesn't look selfish.

It looks like stewardship.

It looks like honoring the woman God is shaping me into.

It looks like protecting my peace.

It looks like saying yes to joy, even when no one else is there to witness it.

Ironically, the more I learned to enjoy my own company, the more open I became to healthy companionship.

Not because I needed someone to complete my life.

But because I had finally built a life worth sharing.

Choosing myself never meant choosing isolation.

It meant refusing to abandon myself ever again.

Because if I'm honest...

The greatest love story I almost missed...

Was the one between the woman I was becoming and me.

---

Thank you for reading.

If this essay resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who may need the reminder that their life isn't on hold.

If I'm Being Honest is a collection of essays about healing, faith, resilience, and learning to choose yourself while trusting God with the rest. I can't wait to share more of this journey with you.

With love,

Drea

 

Through My Lens: Small towns. Big culture.

Every small town has a story. Meridian welcomed me into hers.

Shout out to Meridian, Mississippi, for the warm hospitality. Sometimes the best experiences happen in places you never expected. I've been welcomed with open arms, experienced the beauty of Ailey II, and embraced the rich history, culture, and diversity that make this city special.

As the saying goes, it ain't where you're from, it's where you're at. Wherever you are, be present. Embrace the people, the stories, and the community around you. You just might leave with more than memories; you'll leave with perspective.

 

The Academia Report with Prof. Drea: Breaking Barriers as a First-Generation College Student

🎓 Watch the latest video! If you're the first in your family to attend college, this message is for you. In the newest episode of The Academia Report with Prof. Drea, I share practical advice, encouragement, and strategies to help first-generation students confidently navigate college and build a successful future. Your journey matters and you don't have to figure it out alone.

Through My Lens: Learning to Love the Lane I'm In

Sometimes the most beautiful views aren't found at the destination, they're waiting beside the road while you're simply moving forward.

Photo by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

There was a time when I spent more energy looking at everyone else's lane than appreciating my own. I measured timelines, compared milestones, and wondered if I was somehow behind. But somewhere along this journey, I realized that peace doesn't come from changing lanes. It comes from learning to appreciate the one God has already placed before you.

These days, I'm not in a hurry. I'm building my health, strengthening my faith, growing my career, nurturing meaningful relationships, and making room for joy. Every mile has taught me something. Every detour has shaped me. Looking out this window reminded me that life isn't just about arriving; it's about noticing the beauty that exists while you're on the way.

Through My Lens: Alabama After Dark

                                                              Photo by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

Deep in the heart of Dixie.

On my way to see Jeezy at the historic Alabama Theatre, I paused long enough to capture downtown Birmingham after dark. A city built on complicated and sacred ground, carrying the stories of those who came before us.

The lights shine differently when you know the history.

Through My Lens: God's Timing Is Better Than Mine

                                            The light was there, even when I couldn't see it.

Photography by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

Last year, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate the light shining in the various areas of my life because I was coexisting with darkness. I was hurting, grieving, searching, and trying to understand what God was doing in my life.

I often refer to that season as my Job season. Yet even in my brokenness, God never abandoned me. He did not shy away from my tears, my questions, or my pain. Instead, He stayed close and continued to shine His light on the places within me that needed healing, restoration, and growth.

As Psalm 34:18 reminds us:

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Day by day, God began repairing the hidden places of my heart. He revealed wounds I needed to confront, lessons I needed to learn, and strengths I didn't know I possessed.

Today, I still don't have everything figured out, and that's okay. I've learned that God's timing will always be better than my own. What I do know is this: I have come to appreciate the many ways His light appears in my life. Sometimes it arrives as peace. Sometimes, as growth. Sometimes, as unexpected opportunities. And sometimes as a quiet reminder that He has been with me all along.

The darkness did not last forever. The light was there, even when I couldn't see it.

 

                                        Peace arrives when we stop rushing God's timing.

Photography by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

Master Confidence and Take Charge of Your Goals with Practical Steps: Written by Kevin Ogle

For working adults juggling careers, relationships, and personal goals, confidence building can feel hardest right when it matters most. The core tension is familiar: motivation shows up, then confidence barriers take over, self-doubt impacts spirals, inconsistent effort, and fuzzy priorities that turn plans into stalled projects. These goal achievement challenges often look like laziness on the surface, but they’re usually personal development struggles happening underneath the daily grind. Naming what’s actually blocking momentum makes progress feel realistic again.

Quick Summary: Build Confidence and Hit Goals

●       Start daily confidence habits that create small wins you can build on.

●       Set clear goals and break them into doable steps you can start today.

●       Use mindset shift techniques to challenge self-doubt and choose more supportive thoughts.

●       Make positive lifestyle changes that reinforce your confidence and momentum.

●       Take immediate confidence boosters that move you from planning to action.

Small Habits That Build Confidence Every Week

Confidence grows when you keep small promises to yourself, especially on days when motivation is low. These habits turn big goals into repeatable actions, so you build momentum, learn from feedback, and trust your follow-through over time.

Two-Minute Morning Win

●       What it is: Pick one tiny task and finish it before checking messages.

●       How often: Daily

●       Why it helps: Starting with a win trains your brain to expect follow-through.

Habit Stack Starter

●       What it is: Use habit triggers to attach a goal action to coffee.

●       How often: Daily

●       Why it helps: It reduces decision fatigue and makes consistency easier.

Evidence-Based Self-Talk

●       What it is: Write one “I can” statement backed by a real example.

●       How often: Daily

●       Why it helps: Proof-based affirmations feel believable and strengthen self-trust.

Ten-Minute Progress Log

●       What it is: Track one metric and one lesson in a notes app.

●       How often: Weekly

●       Why it helps: Visible progress keeps goals concrete and reduces discouragement.

Sunday Reset Reflection

●       What it is: Review wins, choose one focus, and schedule your next step.

●       How often: Weekly

●       Why it helps: Planning ahead protects your priorities when life gets busy.

Turn a Business Dream Into Reality: Launch in Clear, Simple Steps

Once your weekly habits are steady, putting that consistency into a real-world goal, like starting a business, can build confidence fast. Launching a venture takes focused action: validate your idea, choose a business structure, and then handle the key paperwork and compliance that make it official. Choosing a limited liability company (LLC) can help protect your personal assets and keep your business finances more clearly separated. If the admin side feels intimidating, using an online formation service like ZenBusiness can help you set up your LLC without the expense of hiring a lawyer. From there, you can apply the same step-by-step approach to other areas of life, fitness, food, calm, and career, starting today.

Build Resilience with a Simple Daily Upgrade Plan

This is the same build-as-you-go method, applied to your body, mind, and work. By stacking a few small, repeatable actions, you create quick wins that make bigger goals feel doable.

1. Choose a beginner fitness routine you can repeat
   Start with a simple plan you can do three days this week, like a 20-minute walk, a short bodyweight circuit, or beginner strength videos. Keep the bar low on purpose so you can show up consistently and collect proof that you follow through. If motivation is shaky, use the less than 2 minutes rule to start by just putting on shoes or rolling out a mat.
2. Set up nutritious meal planning for fewer decisions
   Pick two go-to breakfasts, two lunches, and three dinners you like, then write one grocery list that covers them. Prep one helpful thing today, such as washing produce, cooking a protein, or portioning snacks, so weekday choices become almost automatic. This reduces decision fatigue and keeps your energy steadier for goal work.
3. Practice one relaxation technique daily
   Choose one method you will do at the same time each day, like 5 minutes of slow breathing, a short stretch, or a quick guided meditation. Treat it as training your recovery system, not a luxury, because calmer days make it easier to persist when plans change. Track it with a simple checkmark so you can see your streak build.
4. Outline a realistic career transition plan
   Write a one-page plan with three columns: your target role, the skills you need, and the next smallest action. Then schedule one career move this week, such as updating your resume headline, reaching out to one contact, or completing one lesson. This turns vague worry into a path you can walk.
5. Review weekly, then tighten one knob
   At the end of the week, note what felt easy, what felt hard, and what you will keep exactly the same. Adjust only one variable, like adding one more walk, swapping one dinner, or moving your relaxation time earlier. Small tweaks protect consistency, and consistency is what builds confidence.

Common Questions About Confidence and Goals

Q: What are some simple daily habits I can start right now to boost my confidence and feel more motivated?
A: Pick one tiny promise you can keep daily, like a 10-minute walk, a two-sentence journal entry, or making your bed. Track it with a simple checkmark so you see proof of follow-through. Motivation often shows up after action, so start even when you do not feel ready.

Q: How can I overcome feelings of being overwhelmed or stuck when trying to improve my life?
A: Shrink the problem into a solvable piece by identifying the issue in one sentence. Then list two possible causes, choose one small experiment, and set a 15-minute timer to begin. Afterward, note what changed so you can adjust instead of quitting.

Q: How can making small changes to my diet and exercise routine impact my overall confidence and well-being?
A: Small upgrades stabilize energy, which can reduce irritability and help you stick with goals. Start with one reliable meal, add a protein or fruit, and drink water before coffee. Pair it with light movement you actually enjoy so it feels supportive, not punishing.

Turn Small Confidence Wins Into Real Progress Toward Goals

Confidence can wobble when goals feel big, progress feels slow, or a setback starts rewriting the story. The steadier path is the approach practiced here: growth mindset reinforcement, clear intentions, and small confidence implementation that keeps momentum alive. Applied consistently, these moves create positive behavioral change that shows up as calmer decisions, higher follow-through, and long-term well-being benefits. Confidence grows when the next small action becomes your default. Choose one 10-minute action today and repeat it tomorrow, using self-empowerment strategies to protect the streak. This is how change becomes stability, resilience, and durable growth over time.