There comes a point in life when you realize you've spent more time waiting than living.
Waiting for the right season.
Waiting for the right relationship.
Waiting until you feel ready.
Waiting for permission to fully embrace the life that's already yours.
For years, I believed joy would arrive someday—that life would truly begin once everything fell into place. Healing taught me something different. It reminded me that life isn't something we postpone until the circumstances are perfect. It's unfolding every single day.
The Art of Choosing Myself is one of the most personal essays in my upcoming collection, If I'm Being Honest, because it tells the story of what happened when I stopped waiting and started living.
I hope these words encourage you to embrace the life you have today while trusting God with the life you're still praying for.
There was a time when I believed joy had to be shared to be real.
I thought the best meals were meant to be eaten across from someone else.
The best concerts were meant to be experienced hand in hand.
The best vacations require company.
The best memories needed witnesses.
Then life taught me something unexpected.
Some of the most beautiful moments of my life happened when it was just me.
After years of surviving, grieving, rebuilding, and waiting for life to feel "normal" again, I stopped postponing my happiness.
I stopped waiting for someone to accompany me before I experienced joy.
Instead, I started asking myself a different question:
"What would make me feel alive today?"
Sometimes the answer was simple.
A walk through an art festival.
A concert under the stars.
A museum.
A solo road trip.
A quiet dinner.
A candle-making class.
Taking photographs of places that made me pause.
Watching people dance.
Laughing with strangers.
Buying myself flowers just because.
None of those moments were extraordinary by themselves.
But together, they became something sacred.
They became evidence that my life was happening now—not someday.
For years, I unknowingly postponed joy.
"I'll do that when I'm married."
"I'll go there when I have someone."
"I'll celebrate after I accomplish this."
Healing reminded me that life is not a waiting room.
It is happening every single day.
I realized I wasn't learning how to be alone.
I was learning how to enjoy my own company.
There's a difference.
Being alone can feel like absence.
Enjoying your own company feels like freedom.
The more I chose myself, the less I needed external validation to enjoy my life.
I became curious again.
Creative again.
Playful again.
I started saying yes to experiences instead of excuses.
I wandered through festivals with my camera.
I explored cities I'd never seen before.
I laughed out loud with no audience.
I created memories that belonged entirely to me.
And somewhere along the way...
I stopped feeling like I was waiting for my life to begin.
It already had.
One of the greatest gifts healing gave me wasn't confidence.
It was permission.
Permission to stop waiting.
Permission to stop apologizing for taking up space.
Permission to enjoy the life God had already given me.
Today, choosing myself doesn't look selfish.
It looks like stewardship.
It looks like honoring the woman God is shaping me into.
It looks like protecting my peace.
It looks like saying yes to joy, even when no one else is there to witness it.
Ironically, the more I learned to enjoy my own company, the more open I became to healthy companionship.
Not because I needed someone to complete my life.
But because I had finally built a life worth sharing.
Choosing myself never meant choosing isolation.
It meant refusing to abandon myself ever again.
Because if I'm honest...
The greatest love story I almost missed...
Was the one between the woman I was becoming and me.
Thank you for reading.
The Art of Choosing Myself is one of the essays featured in my upcoming collection, If I'm Being Honest, a book about healing, faith, resilience, and learning to embrace the life you're living while trusting God with the life you're still praying for.
📖 Pre-order your copy here:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H96JK4W7
Thank you for supporting independent authors and for being part of this journey.
Love,
Drea
