"Loyal to all, but when I look at these black girls' faces, I understand why I chose to be better, not basic. So it's not, not (hard to choose)" -Rapsody, Hard To Choose
May 6th, 2018, I had delivered my first keynote address, “How to Be Better in A Basic and Bitter World”! Y'all know I had to throw in my home-girl, Rapsody's Hard to Choose lyrics in this keynote address because it just set the tone for the Black girls and women in the building. I realize that we are not just setting the examples for ourselves or our communities. We have little Black girls and elders who require self-forgiveness and liberation. Before going into my keynote address, I made sure to feel the room's energy, understand my social responsibility and greet and thank people for coming out. See, part of my life's mission and assignment is to collectively get Black people to the point of collectives instead of individualism. We can achieve more things when displaying our honesty, humanistic, and authenticity to folks. We also have to realize that we are in the same situation, in which the systemic system fails us time and time again. No one is better than the next because we are in this thing together.
During my keynote address, I discussed my breakups, divorce, bouts with bitterness, and my ongoing healing journey as a Black Woman. I gave permission to every girl and woman in the room to understand how the world views us as "Bitter Black Woman" and how we don't have to answer to what we are being called. I also flipped the script and helped the actual "Bitter Black Women" understand that healing, forgiveness, and triumph is awaiting you if you choose to work through that internal pain, which is awful. We all have choices. I also mentioned three takeaways:
1. Bitterness is an Illness, and how we need to place boundaries around our bitterness.
2. Why we shouldn't internalize and take ownership of others feelings, words, and emptiness
3. It is okay to be upset, a mess, and angry. You are experiencing emotions and feelings that should be coped with versus numbed. When you have the tools to navigate through hurt and pain, you are equipped to heal and bounce back from internal bondage and trauma.
See, I have been there and done to make internal personal offenses, hence, why I had to deliver this message. Once upon a time, I was bitter because I didn’t work through the hurt, shame, guilt, and unresolved issues from a major breakup of an engagement to someone I was going to marry. I found myself resistant to all hurtful feelings because I didn’t want to appear weak, but I was not working through the pain. Eventually, that pain and resentment sent me seeking holistic and unapologetic healing from a therapist by doing the inner work and truly forgiving all parties involved! It took years to do all of this work.
Yes, the F word, y’all!
See, forgiveness is a revolutionary act! It is not for the faint at heart. You are a real-life G if you can forgive yourself and others!
See, I had to forgive myself first because I thought I wasn’t good enough because my ex and I split, and he got married a few months later. I took that entire process to heart and internalized every piece of hurtful emotion possible!
I was self-sabotaging everything! Eventually, it took me time to truly move to pass the hurt feelings with a therapist's help and choose forgiveness. I also had to remember that I had a choice to forever live in bondage or truly liberate myself and pass transgressions from my former relationship to grow and progress!
I’m too FLY to be unforgiving! Forgiveness is a mature act.
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