My husband and I are celebrating 5 years of Black Love and Black Marriage! Marriage isn't easy but it is worth it because you become the best version of yourself with the help of your spouse. I am thankful to almost spend five years of my life with my best friend, my fellow Hip Hop head, my Brown Beau From Boston, Co-Creator of the Imafidon Empire, and all around FLY Guy, Mr. Imafidon.
People state that marriage is just a piece of paper which is a damn lie. Marriage is a spiritual connection that no one can break or disconnected. Marriage is an institution established by God in which no man or woman can break unless you are doing thangs(things) you aren't supposed to do. In this era in which side chicks and dudes are glorified and becoming the norm, people divorcing over stank breath and other nonsense; I am happy to say my husband and me finally are celebrating five years in the marriage game. We actually eloped in 2011 the I relocated back to New England which was the best decision we ever made because it was us and the judge professing our love to one another. He knew I wasn't going to relocate anywhere with him or anyone else without a lifetime commitment. I don't play with my time and life because life is too precious to be straddling the fence on love and marriage. Marriage is far from easy and perfect because you have two imperfect beings trying to co-exist and love one another despite flaws and imperfections, pressures from the world and social media to look this way, be this way, act this way, and have this or that.
Of course, people always have a negative connotation about marriage isn't deemed successful well that's too bad for you. My marriage is a work in progress and successful because we constantly work at being the best version of self for one another and for our future legacy. Cheers for five years in the marriage game, Black Love, and Black Marriage. I must give a major S/O to everyone who every crossed my husband's and I path and wished us well, encouraged and empowered to keep loving one another despite facing trials and tribulations, our village because it takes a village to keep a marriage going and keep being successful and Thank You God for helping us to see the good, bad, and indifferent in one another.
Just a side note for whoever that is reading this post, if you want to be married, you must date someone who is aligned with marriage. Life is too damn short to be someone's boyfriend/girlfriend for 50 million years. Stop selling yourself short because someone stated that they only want you for one thing and you dumb yourself to be used for that one day. Stop selling yourself short and spewing bitterness and negativity because your first or second or whatever number of marriages and relationships you had all failed and now you are stuck. Stop it because it is not cute, you look old and tired and you need to work on your inner self. Love is beautiful and just because one relationship failed doesn't mean you should tell other folks to hope on the hate-filled and bitterness bandwagon. Nah, don't do it. Don't settle for being a Baby Mama or a Baby Daddy because you were created to be a Queen to a King or a King to a Queen. That BM and BD Drama is for the birds and also it doesn't take much to lay down with anyone and wake up to a lifelong commitment to someone who despise. Don't do it. You are more than that and have more to offer than the BM and BD role.
Once again if you are about that life cool but don't go around tearing down love and marriage especially if you never experienced a healthy, happy, and holistic relationship.
State your intentions up front and if their intentions don't match yours, it is time to throw the peace sign up and keep it moving. If you want to be married, open your mouth and state that from the beginning. Don't allow anyone to tell you any differently. Don't allow someone to dumb down your standard of married and reduce it to shacking up and being in an unavailable and one-sided relationship. Please don't do it.
Here are FIVE Tips on Black Love and Black Marriage from the 33 Year Old Brown Girl From Boston:
1. Your marriage is your marriage. Please stop comparing your marriage to The Obamas, Jay and Bey, and other folks you don't know. These couples have their own vows and commitment and you do to. Stay true to yours and stop worshipping other folks marriage that you have no idea on what goes on behind closed doors.
2. Stop telling your martial business to family, friends, and folks who don't give a damn about you and your marriage. Some folks hate, yes hate marriage and of course, they don't want to see your marriage successful, want your spouse, and want your life. Close your mouth and deal with the issues within your own marriage. If you are having a tough time, please seek professional help and help from the elders who have been in this marriage game for eons. Seek the elders, not your little friends who don't know anything about marriage or secretly praying for your downfall.
3. Marriages go through so many transitions and so do you. You are not always going to be fine as wine and neither is your spouse. That is why you must look beyond looks, money, and material things before you get married. How are you and your spouse are going to deal with the good, the bad, and the ugly? For example, I became ill during the second year of my marriage and still dealing with my illness. My husband and I had to hold on tight to one another because it was a rollercoaster ride of emotions, feelings, and transitions. We didn't throw in the towel and I am pretty sure we both wanted to run away from home from time to time. So, ride the martial and life rollercoaster, boo.
4. You are not obligated to have your womb policed by anyone. One of the most annoying things I had to deal with was people asking me when the baby was coming. Umm, can I just enjoy my husband and deal with legacy building later? I had to shut down conversations when it came down to this private matter. Stop asking folks when they are going to have a baby and stop shaming them if they don't have one or take longer than you would like to have one. Having a baby is such a fragile and sensitive topic because someone people don't want children. Some people can't have children. Some people want to wait to have children because the world is crazy. Please mind your business and stop policing marriage couples sex and reproductive life.
5. Let your spouse live and give them permission to be them. I had to learn that my husband's culture, upbringing, the perspective of life, personality, and life was opposite and similar to my life. I had to accept that and accept that I can't change him but give him permission to be Charles David Imafidon and vice versa. You cannot change your spouse, hell you have a difficult time trying to change yourself. Once I gave my husband permission to be who he is, that made married life easier to deal with. Let you spouse live and stop trying to control every aspect of their life. Also I know my role in my marriage and don't overstep my boundaries and roles. (I see you feminists rolling your eyes) Man listen, my life is easier with a spouse because I am not always on point, I don't give it my all everyday, and I am not always the best wife somedays and my husband accept that. I thoroughly enjoy the balance of being married instead of being a Strong, Black, Independent Superwoman. Nah, I am good on that. I love having someone to balance out life with and reign on the throne with. I like the duality that marriage provides.
I have to thank you once again for reading and supporting Brown Girl From Boston. If you ever met my husband and me and loved on us, blessed us, supported us, and empower us; thank you and bless your life. We appreciate everyone who adds positivity, love, and prosperity to Team Imafidon and Team Brown Girl and Brown Beau From Boston.
Cheers to five years of being Mrs. Andrea Camille Stallworth Imafidon cheers to unapologetic Black Love and Marriage and Cheers to the Imafidon Empire! S/O to all my married family and friends who are working hard building together!
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