Curating My Happiness and Peace: Bringing in 2024 with a Renewed Vibe

 When you the sun, you shine on all the Icaruses (uh)

Know my power, I know what my penmanship did (it's dope)

Drop so many jewels, I couldn't even put 'em on wrist (uh)

That's the sacrifice (yeah) when you this nice (ah)

They wanna dim your light (they tryin' to)

But never that (never that)

Never that (never, never, never) - Rapsody, Asteroid

Rapsody, my homegirl, my sis, and one of my favorite artists inspired me to curate and renew my happiness and peace. I had a dope 2023 with a few trials and tribulations with plenty of triumphs from dropping my book (Manifesting Your Greatness), launching The Fly Girl Shop, reaching my financial goals, physical goals, and mental health goals by attending therapy every month, and listening to healing, and embracing a new level of love through self-love and allowing someone else to love me. 

Despite all this dopeness, flyness, and often shyness, I find myself peeling back specific layers of complications, complexities, and vulnerabilities to the point I said, "Yo, people really don't care about you, but do you care about YOU?" Once I had that introspective thought, I had to shut it down. Shut down the inner chatter, the self-doubt, the negative self-talk, and often unanswered triggers. I remember burying my Aunt in late Feb/early March and having a complete meltdown after the funeral because enough was enough. I was exhausted because this was the third death on my paternal side of the family, grieving family members, my divorce finally being over after 2 years, and just finding myself no longer holding on to stoicism and holding everyone down. It took my significant other saying to me..."You should go back to therapy." I found my old therapist and got to work, and I am still working. I am thankful because I have evolved, cried, reached "aha" moments, discovered my inner strength, and made an exit plan in various areas of my life, and now I am curating my happiness and peace vibe for 2024. 

Turning 40 was also eye-opening because you find a liberation switch, and life begins at 40. I have evolved and am more assertive, wanting to live a gentler, softer, wiser, kinder, and loving life. I have had my ups and downs, but I hung in there and kept going. I had my ups and downs with my love life, but after a year and some changes later, I am still hanging in here. I find myself battling religious trauma and struggling with holiday celebrations. I have many emotions, but it helped me level up personally and professionally and move out of the way. 

I have found myself being fearless, vulnerable (which is a scary zone for me), and glowing up. I deserve all the great things I have received, am going to receive, and will experience. I am excited to curate my happiness, peace, and love. 2024 will be a vibe, and I can't wait to experience it. In the meantime, I am on a significant social media hiatus because that ish is annoying AF, and I often wonder if people listen, care, and apply the gems. I am at the point in my life in which I have to shrug my shoulders, mind my business, and focus on my happiness, peace, and love. I am focusing on living a healthy, whole, and healed life. Chile, my goal is to live until my 100s, surrounded by love and quality people such as my future husband, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and leave a lasting legacy. 

For those of you who are Day 1 or today's tribe members, I am sending you much love, light, peace, happiness, and freedom. Curate your vibe, happiness, peace, love, and a dope 2024. 

If you are interested in reaching out to me, please email me as I am on a social media detox, but my email inbox is drea@browngirlfromboston.com

Why I'm Better Not Basic: My First Keynote Address

"Loyal to all, but when I look at these black girls' faces, I understand why I chose to be better, not basic. So it's not, not (hard to choose)" -Rapsody, Hard To Choose

May 6th, 2018, I had delivered my first keynote address, “How to Be Better in A Basic and Bitter World”! Y'all know I had to throw in my home-girl, Rapsody's Hard to Choose lyrics in this keynote address because it just set the tone for the Black girls and women in the building. I realize that we are not just setting the examples for ourselves or our communities. We have little Black girls and elders who require self-forgiveness and liberation. Before going into my keynote address, I made sure to feel the room's energy, understand my social responsibility and greet and thank people for coming out. See, part of my life's mission and assignment is to collectively get Black people to the point of collectives instead of individualism. We can achieve more things when displaying our honesty, humanistic, and authenticity to folks. We also have to realize that we are in the same situation, in which the systemic system fails us time and time again. No one is better than the next because we are in this thing together. 

During my keynote address, I discussed my breakups, divorce, bouts with bitterness, and my ongoing healing journey as a Black Woman. I gave permission to every girl and woman in the room to understand how the world views us as "Bitter Black Woman" and how we don't have to answer to what we are being called. I also flipped the script and helped the actual "Bitter Black Women" understand that healing, forgiveness, and triumph is awaiting you if you choose to work through that internal pain, which is awful. We all have choices. I also mentioned three takeaways:

 1. Bitterness is an Illness, and how we need to place boundaries around our bitterness. 

 2. Why we shouldn't internalize and take ownership of others feelings, words, and emptiness

 3. It is okay to be upset, a mess, and angry. You are experiencing emotions and feelings that should be coped with versus numbed. When you have the tools to navigate through hurt and pain, you are equipped to heal and bounce back from internal bondage and trauma. 

See, I have been there and done to make internal personal offenses, hence, why I had to deliver this message. Once upon a time, I was bitter because I didn’t work through the hurt, shame, guilt, and unresolved issues from a major breakup of an engagement to someone I was going to marry. I found myself resistant to all hurtful feelings because I didn’t want to appear weak, but I was not working through the pain. Eventually, that pain and resentment sent me seeking holistic and unapologetic healing from a therapist by doing the inner work and truly forgiving all parties involved! It took years to do all of this work.

Yes, the F word, y’all!

See, forgiveness is a revolutionary act! It is not for the faint at heart. You are a real-life G if you can forgive yourself and others!

See, I had to forgive myself first because I thought I wasn’t good enough because my ex and I split, and he got married a few months later. I took that entire process to heart and internalized every piece of hurtful emotion possible!

I was self-sabotaging everything! Eventually, it took me time to truly move to pass the hurt feelings with a therapist's help and choose forgiveness. I also had to remember that I had a choice to forever live in bondage or truly liberate myself and pass transgressions from my former relationship to grow and progress!

I’m too FLY to be unforgiving! Forgiveness is a mature act.

Go over to the Brown Girl From Boston Facebook Page to check out the video footage!

Jan 13th| Another year. 35th. Capricorn. The GOAT. Forever Infinite.

"Thought I wouldn't elevate, I took the stairwell

Watch em stare well, yeah I'm very well

See these pretty wings; I maxed well

I'm Fortunate; I'm the sexiest

Imma tomboy, you love a tomboy" -Sassy by Rapsody

On January 13th, 2018, ya girl, turned 35 years young! I'm thankful to Jehovah! Thanks to the good, the bad, and the ugly because my 34th year was an ongoing saga filled with transitions. 

While the love was pouring in from my family and friends who truly know and love me, I had to reminisce and pay homage to my teenage years that are long gone. I thoroughly enjoyed being a teenager growing up as a Brown Girl From Boston, in Mattapan, to be exact. *S/O to all my 02126ers and my Hollingsworth St. Squad! 

First and foremost, in the 90s, we had Blackplanet! Yes, Blackplanet was our first social media website, and we didn't even know it. My username was BabyPenny33. Yes, I was madly in love with Anfernee Deon "Penny" Hardaway! *Hey, Penny! * No Wifi, but we had AOL Dial-Up to access Blackplanet and Ask Jeeves.  We had pagers/beepers; we actually had the face to face conversations, landline phones, in which your Mom Dukes would embarrass your whole life if she found out you were on the phone after hours.  

I just remembered when life was all so simple. *Cues Wu-Tang Clan, "Can It Be All So Simple"*

A Letter From Teenage Drea: 

Drea, don't trip about people challenging you by asking you: "Who Do You Think You Are?" People are intimidated by your greatness, sassiness, boldness, and unapologetic nature. You are a lone wolf leader, and sometimes that is a lonely road, but it is necessary for your purpose. Stay focused and disciplined. Those qualities will take you far. Yes, you will experience exhaustion, doubt, failure, and delayed gratification, but it will be worth it in the end. Yeah, it sucks that you may have to work ten times harder to get what you want, but you deserve it. Remember, everyone doesn't have the same drive, vision, and goals as you do. So don't give up, and don't expect things instantly. If it was easy, everyone would be doing the same thing. 

It is okay to be a sassy tomboy who understands and loves sports, especially Basketball and Football. Love your Hip Hop music, embrace the way you go from wearing dresses to sneakers to Army Fatigue Camo pants, your hoodies, your bamboo earrings, conscious tees. It is cool to have guy friends and homegirls because you need masculine and feminine energies to get through life. Understand that some people will persuade you to switch your style up because they may not think it is ladylike to be you. They don't understand that you can run a boardroom, be featured on your homeboy's Hip Hop album, and drop knowledge at a conference. It is called balance, and some people want to bottle that Sassy, Tomboyish, Earthy, Blackness, and FLYness magic. Unfortunately, it can't be duplicated because it is part of your essence. You understand that balance is everything! 

Drea, chill! People will love you. Some people are going to dislike you. That's okay. It is essential that you love, like, and value yourself.  Don't you change! You will learn how to adapt, be flexible and align yourself with greatness. Just adjust your crown from time to time. Don't stop believing in what you believe in.  Don't stop speaking your truth. Don't stop being assertive. Don't stop standing up for yourself. Don't stop spreading the love. Do actively listen because we all need and want to be heard. Do walk away when the vibes are off and when love is no longer being served. Do understand that everyone doesn't need a response back. Ensure you speak with conviction and let your word be your bond even if people disagree with you. Make sure you set an intention of being heard, seen, and treated with respect. Ensure you treat yourself with the utmost respect because you teach people how to treat you. 

Do understand some people will disappoint you, especially your nearest and dearest loved ones. Some people are not trustworthy. Some people will not have your best interest at heart. Some people are users and want access to you because of who you are and your resources. Don't allow anyone easy access to your life. Some people don't deserve your magic and light.  Don't forget to listen to your intuition.  Have an open heart, but don't second-guess the nature of people's intentions. Red flags are red flags and hurt people hurt people. 

Drea, you will get your heart broken a few times by intimate relationships and friendships. That's okay because that isn't the end of the world. Make sure you are doing your best in each relationship. Make sure you serve love, graciousness, class, respect, loyalty, and authenticity. Make sure you are doing your part of being the best version of yourself, and some days you will fail at that, and it is excellent. Breakups of any kinda suck, but you will survive. You will move on, mature, and become a better person. Just don't become codependent and move on quickly to a new partner without self-healing.  Don't turn into some psycho ex because that isn't cute, Boo. Let people be who they are. Let your exes go if they genuinely don't appreciate your holistic self. Your exes and ex-friends will realize that you played an essential part in their growth and life journey. Learn how to forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiveness is the highest form of healing.

Take care of your emotional, mental, physical health! Your health is everything. Health is wealth, and you only get one body. Make sure your inner beauty matches your outer beauty. Healthy Black Don't Crack. Ensure you are very cautious of what you ingest orally, visually, mentally, and verbally. Get healthy, unprocessed, and eat natural foods. Drink plenty of water. Workout. Lift weights. Do yoga. Meditate. Pray. Breathe. Also, remember that coconut oil heals everything, chile. It invests in quality coconut oil, therapy, learning,  shea butter, and essential oils.

Don't box yourself in. Don't allow anyone to box you in. Don't allow anyone to think for you. Ask questions. Be an independent thinker. Don't block your blessings and opportunities. Do block haters, bigots, racists, and all imbalance and unhealthiness from your life. 

You got this,  Queen Drea! One day you will realize how essential and valuable you are. Remember your purpose and life assignment. Protect yourself. Protect your magic. Protect your FLYness. Adjust Your Crown!

Peace, Love, and Light!

Drea's Entrepreneurship Intentions for 2017

New Year. Same Drea. More laughs. New Intentions and Less Bullshit! Yes, less bullshit. 
I have created a short, sweet, simple list for my intentions for 2017. I had to get it off my chest because until you learn the lesson the first time around, it will continue to repeat until you fully grasp the lesson at hand. Get your mind right, life right, business tight for 2017!

Drea's Entrepreneurship Intentions for 2017
1. Remember, if you want to pick my brain, a fee will be associated.
2. If you want to collaborate with me on a project, we are going on a date, I am evaluating your work and I am asking for references.
3. If we mutually decide to collaborate, legal binding contracts will be drafted.
4. I know my worth and I hope you know yours. I put my heart and soul into my work and if you don't respect that please keep it moving. 
5. Please don't play yourself nor waste time talking about you want to work with me and you can't even follow through with the prerequisites. 

Prices went up after speaking at The Massachusetts Conference for Women! Sorry not sorry! 

"No thank you very much
For those don't wanna pay me, but want a verse from me
It ain't getting no cheaper for you baby" -Rapsody, Thank You Very Much

What are your intentions for 2017?

...And I'm Still Through With Him 8 Years Later

“When I pull up in that black thing and you lie like prove it
I’ma show you date and time, every new receipt, every movie
I’m an OG, you’re a f@#$ing student
Your boys are even looking at you like you f*&%ing stupid
They probably told you “don’t be out here flossing on her so loosely
They probably told you I’m a good thing and better not lose me” -Rapsody, Through With Him

So, I finally ran into my ex-fiancé after 8 years of no contact during the Thanksgiving weekend. I knew this day was going to happen. I was on his turf in Alabama and watching the Turkey Day Classic, in which, his alma mater, Alabama State University, was playing against the school he is currently working for Miles College. (Maybe this is TMI, but major shoulder shrugs) Usually, ASU plays Tuskegee University but due to unforeseen circumstances, TU hasn't played ASU in a few years which sucks but that’s life. Anyways, running into my ex-was interested and unpredictable because you don’t know how you are going to react and engage with someone you once was going to spend the rest of your life with. You go through several scenarios on how you are going to react and engage with your ex but none of them matter when you actually are face to face with that person.

I am thankful that I saw my best friend earlier and she encouraged me to stand my ground and adjust my crown if I ever ran into said ex we were speaking of. She’s been through the relationship and engagement struggle with me because she was not a fan of my ex but simply tolerated him because of our sisterhood. She definitely gave ole’ boy two thumbs down because she saw the ugliness while I was blinded by love, I guess. She definitely mentally and emotionally prepared me for the encounter because right after I left her, I ran into him. Yikes!!!  Before I go into the story of the encounter, let me add how my Mom and Step-Pops would frequently run into him due to being avid tailgaters at HBCUs football games and him being a Band Director at one of the colleges.

*S/O to my Mom because she definitely rocks her crown well, keeps things smooth and copacetic with folks without getting out of character. That is called wisdom and character. *

My ex and I breakup were damn near similar to the last episode of “Insecure” when Issa went back to the crib and Lawerence packed all his things and bounced. Issa came home to an open and empty home and ol’ boy had to get his revenge in by having sex from ol’ girl from the bank (I think that was her instead of the stripper but still…). I am not saying I am Team Issa or Team Lawerence because I can relate to both parties involved. I did clutch my pearls during that scene because it was predictable because he wasn't ready to move on and got caught up in his anger and pride. I get it.

I can relate to the entire show of “Insecure” because it kind of mirrored my relationship with my ex. My ex and I applied to the same exact graduate school, but two different programs. The results… I got in and he didn’t. He had better grades and a better GRE score and I never understood why he didn’t get in and why I did. (Life Lesson, This was my way out of a toxic and unhealthy relationship) I remember writing a rough draft for him to appeal his decision until I stopped and realized that I wanted him to go to grad school more than he wanted it. I was putting my endless energy into appealing his rejection letter instead of looking at the silver lining. Getting into graduate school was my exit out of the relationship drama and baby mama drama (in which I don’t suggest anyone who is single and childless to enter into unless you are mature and okay with your significant other having a child.) I apologize to you if you ever met me during this stressful time because I wasn’t at my best self at this point. Look at the photo above, I was a hot mess and I looked older in age. Stress will age you. Stress ain’t cute, Boo. I thought graduate school was my way out of the relationship and it was my way out!

See people use to advise me on being with my ex and I just didn’t yield the advice. I thought I knew better because I was knee-deep in it without stopping and evaluating the entire situation. But your vibe attracts your tribe or significant other and you allow anything and anyone in your life if you don’t uphold your standards and values. This happens to the best of us, especially if we are operating at a low frequency. People can tell you to leave a relationship and give you valid reasons on why you should run away from cray and never look back on a toxic and unhealthy relationship. We keep going back because maybe "I can change this person", "Maybe I need to change?" "Maybe I have that Black Girl Magic", "Black Beau Magic to reform this person?" Do yourself a favor, when you see cray, cray please run the other way. Don’t keep going back and forth because that will be the premise of an unstable foundation for a relationship.

People haven’t reached their bottom of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, hence why many people stay in various relationships because they haven’t reached their rock bottom. Some people's tolerance level is high and some people have a zero-tolerance level. Only you know how much or how little you will tolerate. I remember reaching my zero tolerance level and was it ugly. Without backup, on the solo dolo, I drove 3.5 hours to my ex’s apartment and cleaned house after learning that he had moved in his “female best friend” (I never heard of this girl, never knew she existed and didn’t care) in his one-bedroom apartment. Man listen, I had my big ass suitcase I took to Jamaica when I studied abroad for a Summer semester and cleaned house. I packed up my stuff, stuff that I brought him, and whatever I thought that was mine was packed. (Yeah, I was petty as hell during this moment) I was tired. I grew tired of inconsistencies. I grew tired of being in a one-sided relationship. I grew tired of hearing about randoms and the weekly, New Miss Booty, while I was in another state busting my ass in graduate school.

Looking back…I was a 24–26-year-old Black woman, who was fed up and too young to deal with a lifetime full of stress, BS, and angst from someone who wasn’t worth it. Hell, No One is not worth the stress and BS.

After breaking off my engagement with my ex, he got married 9 months afterward. Yes, you read correctly, 9 months afterward. I heard that it is the norm for people who “can’t be alone. His wife was holding down the side-chick position, proudly. I guess she knew her time to shine was coming. *Ye Shrug* Like she had it on lock for a while. No heat. No shade. No judgmental. All facts. But life happens. Life goes on after 808s and Heartbreaks (S/O to Kanye).

8 Years Later, I am still through with him, but I can smile, engage in small talk and keep it moving whenever I see him. It was indeed awkward seeing and speaking to my ex after 8 years of no contact. I felt liberated and joyful because my husband treats me like a Queen and love me for me. I don’t have to front, I don’t have to compete with other women, against him or his heart. Being with my ex, it was all about him, his dreams, and all his nonsense. It still appears that way because he was the center of his own Universe during our brief conversation. (Insert eye roll and sucking my teeth) No mentions of his wife, very little mention of his children but he was poppin’ in his own world. Good for him. Throughout our small talk, I adjusted my crown, smiled, and sprinkle major Black Girl Magic and Brown Girl FLY Girl dopeness in a nonverbal way. When you are dope, people take notice. Being dope is owning the space and being classy. When your energy is dope, nothing can interfere with that unless you give it energy. No one can kill your dope vibe. No One; not even your lame and self-centered ex.

And I am still through with him after 8 years and counting!

                             

                                3 Ways To Be All the Way Through With An Ex

1. Acknowledge, Grieve, and Evolve: Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we all play a role in the downfall of a relationship. Acknowledging is being aware of what you allow, what you will accept, and your behavior. When you acknowledge something, it is time to either shift your mindset or continue to remain ignorant of your surroundings. Also, we don’t take the time to grieve the ending of a relationship. Breakups are tough. When you break up with someone you are losing a piece of you that you have shared within that relationship and you are losing the person you once love. Take time to grieve because it is essential to grow, evolve, and mature. Grieving doesn’t make you weak, this is the time to reevaluate and rediscover who you are as a single and FLY individual. Take time to love yourself. Take time to relearn what you like, dislike, your interests, and cry. Your soul is tired and now is not the time to jump into something new or have rebound sex because that is another energy you don’t need to take on into your spirit. *Chill on rebound relationships and sex because it is not fair to you or the rebound person because you don’t need to unload your baggage onto someone else. Learn how to be single and enjoy your singlehood. During my breakup, I did a lot of journaling, reading self-help books, went to therapy while in school learning how to be a therapist, took myself on dates, went out and dance my life away, went to endless concerts, and reconnected with friends. I even traveled to OKC to visit my best friend and just escaped from the “Girl, what happened to you and such and such?”
2. Don’t forget who you are: Many times we forget who we are and what we like because we are immersed in our relationship with our significant other. We often become co-dependent in a relationship because we think we can’t live without that person, we are afraid of losing them or afraid of being alone. We become overly consumed with trying to please our significant other that we forget who we are, our values, integrity, and sometimes our freakin’ minds. Don’t stay stuck on forgetting who you are. Start regaining your confidence. Let go of the people-pleasing behavior because it is not serving you and start learning how to be the best version of yourself. What kind of person was you before you and your ex started to date? Do you need a holistic makeover? If so, do it. Don’t you ever forget who you are and where you came from. If you were in an abusive relationship, you will forget who you are because you have been berated, abused, and tolerated. You are needed. You are essential. You were created on purpose to serve a purpose. You are loved. You are FLY. You are intelligent. You are beautiful. You are valuable. Don’t ever beat yourself or sabotage yourself because your ex didn’t value your beautiful soul.
3. Adjust Your Crown, Be Present, and Mindful: I had to readjust my crown and recognize the God(dess) in me. At times, I forgot that my crown was already bought and paid for. I was looking for my crown, was willing to trade crowns with others, and willing to let go of my crown until I realize that my crown just needs to be readjusted and dusted off. “Heavy is The Head That Wears The Crown”. I guess that’s why I love wearing head wraps and big hair to show off my crown and hold my head high. My crown is paid in full and so is yours. Don’t allow anyone to remove your crown. During my brief encounter with my ex, I readjusted my crown, held my head high, shoulders back, spoke confidently, and looked my ex in his eyes while he struggled to look into my eyes. When you can look at someone who offended you, violated your sacred space, and not allow yourself to be a victim but a mere victor, you are a Queen or King! Hell you are a survivor and one dope individual. Keep the conversation brief, sweet, and joyful and keep it pushing.

Sometimes, you need to run into an ex to remind of your past, present, and future growth. I have evolved and matured since being in my 20s and I am thankful for the growth and learning from life lessons. Growing pangs are tough, but tough times are temporary and help you to build character. I am thankful that I didn’t marry my ex because I would have been in an unhealthy and stagnant relationship. If I would have married my ex, I would not be with my twin flame, my true best friend, sidekick and the Co-CEO of the Imafidon Empire. I probably wouldn't have experienced unconditional love, being an entrepreneur, blogger, Brown Girl From Boston, fearless and fly girl, nor would I have experienced a healthy relationship or marriage.

I am thankful for the three years of experience with my ex but I am still through with him after 8 years later.

 Peace, Love, and FLYness
 Drea

The Idea of Beautiful: A Brown Girl's Struggle with Beauty and Health

My favorite emcee, Rapsody, stated the perfect quote on her idea of beauty and struggle with her self-image due to being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease.

“I would be at shows rapping, get the pictures back, and my eyes would just pop out. And I’m like, ‘Aww, I look so ugly.’ My face structure changed a little bit. My face looked a little bit more swollen. I’m having trouble keeping my weight down. I’ve always been used to being 120/125. My metabolism is slow because I have a hyperthyroid now. I have to watch what I eat, and I have to work out a lot. That’s been a struggle. It affected my self-esteem and appearance-wise. When I made my first album, The Idea of Beautiful, it had little to do with it. You have to look at what makes you beautiful.” -Rapsody, Why Is Rapsody Still 'Hard to Choose'? Ebony Magazine


My struggle with my health and idea of beauty started 3 years ago. I've discovered something was out of alignment. My weight kept fluctuating, my spirit was broken, my emotions were unstable, and I masked my insecurities. I went from a healthy, active lifestyle to a deliberating, unstable, and shattered confidence. I was broken. I couldn't fit my clothes. I couldn't get out of bed most days. I couldn't remember anything. I cried. I cried. and I cried some more. Physician after Physician dismissed my claim of weight gain, migraines, bloating, inflammation, skin issues, digestion issues, and the list continues. I just refused to silence my voice.

I remember crying over pettiness. I cried over not wanting to go out in public. I cried over not fitting into my bridesmaid's dress for my brother's wedding and having to go up a size. I cried hysterically in my therapist's office the entire session about my health, self-image, and incompetent/pseudo-God-Like Complex of endless Physicians as I was being labeled "crazy" and "lazy" due to my unexplained weight gain. The entire hour that I cried, my therapist held that sacred, safe, and non-judgmental space for me while helping me dig deeper to break free from the labels and invisible chains.

And I still found myself crying!

I have hypothyroid disease, which is an autoimmune disease. What is a hypothyroid disease? "Hypothyroidism is an underactive thyroid gland. Hypothyroidism means the thyroid gland can’t produce enough thyroid hormone to keep the body running normally. People are hypothyroid if they have too little thyroid hormone in the blood." -Thyroid.com (http://www.thyroid.org/hypothyroidism/)

Hypothyroidism disease is curable and affects your entire body, mood, and emotions. Some days, I have unlimited energy, which is amazing because I can work out, cook unlimited meals, blog, and indulge in things I truly love. Some days I can't move, I am extra hard on myself, a hot ass mess, and I want to be left alone. Those days suck the life out of me, and I have to be extra mindful and present on those days. Usually, I am gentle with myself. I do nothing but rest, read, cry, meditate, pray, and enjoy loving myself and the love that my husband gives me. I love how to hold the space for me to just have an unlimited ugly cry. I usually limit my conversations with people unless it is my mom who will call the CIA and FBI and fly up here to love on myself and be the Mama Bear that she is despite me being 32 years young.

Throughout my 32 earth years, I can't recall struggling with my idea of beauty because I have thought that I live by my own standard of beauty. I've created my own style of fashion, felt comfortable in my skin, and felt that I was unfu%^able! Since being diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I have struggled with looking in the mirror from time to time because I have insecurities with the puffiness of my face due to fluid retention and inflammation. I have struggled with my stomach, which I camouflage because I went from abs to semi-flab (no heat, no judgment). I struggle with the dark spots and acne on my face and body because I feel people notice them before noticing me. Lastly, I struggle with joint flare-ups and inflammations. Some days, I can run/walk miles, dance, practice yoga, and weight lift. There are days I sit in my robe all weekend because I feel like an 18-wheeler truck committed a hit-and-run on my body.

Refining the Inner Goddess

In life, everything is temporary. I limit my television watching and participation on social media because that protects me from body shaming myself. Television and social media damage anyone's confidence, self-image, and self-esteem. Whether conscious or unconscious, we compare our entire existence, our looks, beauty, and standard of living to these "socialites" and social media celebrities who front a lot to keep up this pseudo-happy lifestyle. We abuse ourselves by altering our entire existence, trying to look like someone else who may have surgically enhanced or photoshopped their looks or manually enhanced their looks via phone filters.

Many women voluntarily destroy their bodies due to a lack of self-esteem, self-image, and support from those who admire their natural beauty. Recently, Sistah woman Iyanla Vanzant featured a beautiful Sistah on her show who was a model that received illegally bootleg butt injections because she didn't know how to value her feminine energy due to being born without a uterus and her inability to produce children. She is now struggling with silicone toxicity which causes inflammation in her legs, butt, and lower extremities. Imagine if she was surrounded by a healthy and loving support system that cultivates and validates her femininity and womanhood?

I woke up the hell up when I viewed that episode because I was measuring my outer beauty versus taking a look within and recognizing my inner goddess beauty. We have so many broken beauties that are suffering in silence due to not valuing and cultivating our self-esteem and confidence within. Yes, we can enhance our outer beauty with makeup and outer adornments, but how is your heart? How is your mind, sis? How is your inner goddess being fed? You can mask your brokenness temporarily. If you have a broken spirit, you are holistically broken no matter what weave, designer label, or makeup you are rocking.

Body Shaming From Family

I've been battling body shaming from some of my male family members. From cutting my hair cut, for being too thin, too athletic, too bossy, too this, and to that. Body shaming is such a taboo subject in the African, West Indian/Caribbean, African Diaspora, and African-American cultures. Body shaming is such a toxic, soul-breaking, and unhealthy behavior. People with body shame are in no position to shame anyone because they are also imperfect. People who have body shame also have a lot of internal suffering and insecurities.

I have created healthy boundaries to protect my body, holistic FLYness, and spirit. I have had my own Father's body shame me to my mother and husband. My Father hurt my soul when he harshly judges my weight gain. He stated that I was getting fat and eating everything in sight. How can someone who brought you into the world, who suppose to speak love and positivity in your life, harshly criticize the same thing you are struggling with?  I am thankful to my Mother and husband for protecting me because I was in such a fragile and vulnerable state to defend myself.

I am slowly forgiving my Father, but it is a work in progress. I refuse to internalize ugliness, tasteless, and uncensored comments. I have to keep my stress level to a minimum and understand that I don't have to tolerate body shaming and disrespect from anyone, including family members and friends.

In conclusion, I am relearning how to love myself. I am focusing on my journey to healing and health. I have a newfound appreciation for my life and its meaning. I strive to live a spiritual and full life I understand and accept that I am flawed and imperfect. When you can achieve a level of self-acceptance for yourself, you can cope with your struggles in life. Self-acceptance is vital to growth and development because you have to accept YOU even when people don't accept YOU!

I have decided to share my photo from a recent photoshoot that I did with the lovely Kimberly Dobosz Photography. Looking at my photos, I am proud of myself for proceeding with the photo shoot. I love the ambiance and tranquil and lively feel that my photos provide. I have nitpicked my photos but truly embraced my current outer and inner beauty state. I am learning how to live with my current idea of beauty.

Before you laugh and judge someone on their outer and inner struggle, please check yourself before you wreck yourself. You are not perfect, neither, and work on your internal struggle!

"Make sure you shine on and be a light to the world" -Andrea C. Imafidon

Love and light,

Andrea

Paying Homage to Black Love: Celebrating Four Years of Marriage

"Feel Like Love, Love
And it feel like love love... love
And it feel like love love... uh, yo...
Caught in the act of, it’s hard to fall back love
I wish we all could experience black love" -Rapsody ft Common Feel like Love