We need to bring back courting. And before anyone gets confused, let me define it.
It is real dates. Planned dates. Public dates. Not “your house or my house.” That is not a date. That is convenience disguised as interest.
How We Got Here
Somewhere along the way, we lowered the standard and renamed it flexibility. We started calling access connection and effort optional. We allowed people into our bodies, our beds, and sometimes our lives without ever asking them to show us who they were when it actually mattered. And then we act surprised by the outcome.
What Courting Actually Means
Courting is not old-fashioned. It is foundational. It tells you how someone values time. How they handle responsibility. How do they show care when nothing is guaranteed? Courting creates a container where discernment can live. It slows things down just enough for truth to show itself. It makes room for observation instead of assumption, consistency instead of chemistry.
The Standard I Stand On
And here is the part people don’t like to hear: If they cannot court you, they do not get access to you.
Courting is not about being difficult. It is about being deliberate. And I am no longer confused about the difference.
Why This Matters
Courting protects everyone involved. It gives space for discernment. It allows red flags to show themselves without being masked by chemistry. It creates room for God, wisdom, and time to speak.
If someone tells you courting is “old-fashioned,” what they usually mean is that it requires effort they’re unwilling to give. I’m not asking for perfection. I’m asking for presence. I’m not asking to be impressed. I’m asking to be considered.
Love Doesn’t Rush
I’ve learned that love doesn’t rush. Lust does. Ego does. Fear does. But love moves with intention. Love shows up with a plan. Love honors boundaries instead of negotiating them away. So no, I’m not confused. I’m clear. Courting is the standard. And anything less no longer has access to me.
Call to Action
If this essay resonated with you, I’m writing a book about healing, standards, and becoming whole after heartbreak. It’s about choosing yourself, protecting your peace, and never settling for convenience disguised as love.
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