Depart From Me, Counterfeit

You have to learn how to decipher who is truly for you and who is not for you. Many times, we are tired, isolated, and hopeless because our phones are dry, social media does not hit the same anymore, and we just want excitement in our lives. In those moments, desperation can make us move without discernment, wisdom, or prayer.

But desperation will have you entertaining counterfeits. In this season of my life, I am rebuilding. My discernment and prayer life are at 1000. I no longer try to fix, repair, save, or change people because only the Most High God can truly do that. My job is to depart, pray for people’s deliverance, and keep moving forward in peace.

I knew God did not play about me when He dried up everything around me. He had me delete and block people. He had me forgive them and still block them. Some people think forgiveness means continued access, but sometimes God requires separation for your protection.

I remember dragging myself into my prayer closet early in the mornings just to cry and pray because I truly felt alone. There were mornings I did not even have words. But deep down, I knew God was protecting me and redirecting me toward better, healthier, and more aligned opportunities and blessings.

Now that I am in a rebuilding season with God, I am wiser, clearer, and more knowledgeable about people, patterns, and spiritual warfare. I have also learned something humbling: I am not a victim in every situation. Some things I experienced came from reaping what I had sown because I rushed processes, ignored discernment, forced connections, and held onto people and opportunities God was trying to remove from my life.

Reap What You Sow

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

— Galatians 6:7

The scripture above humbled me because sometimes we pray for deliverance while still entertaining what God told us to leave behind. People can truly look like they are the one for you. The best friend. The homegirl. The husband. The business partner. The opportunity. But not everybody who enters your life is assigned by God. Some people are distractions sent to delay you, drain you, confuse you, or keep you emotionally attached to dysfunction.

Meanwhile, your real A1s may look different.

Your real people will intercede in prayer for you. They will pour into you. They will hold you accountable. They will lovingly correct you when you are half-stepping. They will push you toward purpose instead of chaos. They will respect your boundaries and your growth.

That is why discernment matters.

You have to assess people by their fruit, not just by chemistry, attention, words, appearance, or potential.

The Fruit of the Spirit

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

— Galatians 5:22–23

What the Fruit of the Spirit Looks Like:

• Love

• Joy

• Peace

• Patience

• Kindness

• Goodness

• Faithfulness

• Gentleness

• Self-control

Everybody can say they love God, but fruit reveals character. Pay attention to how people move when they are angry. Pay attention to how they handle correction. Pay attention to how they treat people they cannot use. Pay attention to whether they bring confusion or peace into your life.

Discernment is not judging people harshly. Discernment is wisdom. It is spiritual protection and a boundary.

Depart From Me

If you find yourself entertaining counterfeit people, step back and ask yourself: Why am I forcing what God is trying to remove?

Some of us are out here confused, emotionally drained, and delusional because we keep holding onto people that God already exposed. Everybody who gives you attention is not assigned to you. Some people are distractions wrapped in good looks, smooth words, false comfort, or temporary excitement.

That is why you need discernment and prayer.

Depart From Me Scripture

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven… Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

— Matthew 7:21–23

Sometimes God will literally separate you from people because their presence is blocking your peace, purpose, growth, and obedience. You do not want to get caught up out here in these streets attached to counterfeits who leave you confused, spiritually drained, anxious, and disconnected from God.

Get away from that.

Spend time with the Most High. Spend time reading your Bible.

Spend time in prayer. Spend time healing instead of chasing validation, attention, or potential.

Isolation with God is better than confusion with counterfeits.

And listen, when God removes people from your life, let them go, honey.

Stop reopening doors God closed. Stop trying to rescue people God separated you from. Stop romanticizing dysfunction because you are lonely.

God is not removing people to punish you. He is protecting you. He is clearing space for peace, purpose, healing, divine connections, and better opportunities.

Some separations are blessings in disguise.

And let me say this too: some of y’all need discernment, prayer, AND therapy. Go sit on that couch and go talk to the lady. Be honest with the lady and be honest with yourself and DO THE INNER WORK!!!!

Healing is spiritual, but sometimes healing is also practical. Some people are carrying abandonment wounds, trauma, rejection, people-pleasing habits, low self-worth, and emotional chaos into every relationship and connection. Then, when things fall apart, they blame everybody except the unhealed parts of themselves.

Therapy helped me become more accountable, self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and honest with myself. Prayer is powerful, but God can also use wise counsel, licensed professionals, and safe spaces to help you heal.

There is nothing weak about getting help. Nothing is embarrassing about unpacking your pain. There is nothing wrong with learning healthier patterns.

Some folks are entertaining counterfeits because they are afraid to be alone. Some people are trauma-bonding instead of building healthy connections. Some people are addicted to chaos because peace feels unfamiliar.

Healing requires honesty.

You cannot pray for healthy relationships while ignoring unhealthy behaviors, unresolved wounds, lack of boundaries, or emotional dysfunction.

God will do His part, but you also have to do the work.

Pray.

Read your Bible.

Fast.

Journal.

Rest.

Go to therapy.

Set boundaries.

And stop giving everybody access to you.

Protect your peace, honey.

In this season, I am choosing peace over potential.

I am choosing prayer over panic.

I am choosing discernment over desperation.

And I am choosing obedience over attachment.

Some people are assignments.

Some people are lessons.

Some people are distractions.

And some people are divine.

Ask God for the wisdom to know the difference.

 

If You Can't Court Me, You Can't Touch Me

We need to bring back courting. And before anyone gets confused, let me define it.

Courting is an intention.

Courting is an effort.

Courting is clarity.

It is real dates. Planned dates. Public dates. Not “your house or my house.” That is not a date. That is convenience disguised as interest.

How We Got Here

Somewhere along the way, we lowered the standard and renamed it flexibility. We started calling access connection and effort optional. We allowed people into our bodies, our beds, and sometimes our lives without ever asking them to show us who they were when it actually mattered. And then we act surprised by the outcome.

How do you build a life with someone who never took you on a real date?

How do you share a child with someone who never shared the intention?

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What Courting Actually Means

Courting is not old-fashioned. It is foundational. It tells you how someone values time. How they handle responsibility. How do they show care when nothing is guaranteed? Courting creates a container where discernment can live. It slows things down just enough for truth to show itself. It makes room for observation instead of assumption, consistency instead of chemistry.

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The Standard I Stand On

And here is the part people don’t like to hear: If they cannot court you, they do not get access to you.

Not your body.

Not your energy.

Not your softness.

Courting is not about being difficult. It is about being deliberate. And I am no longer confused about the difference.

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Why This Matters

Courting protects everyone involved. It gives space for discernment. It allows red flags to show themselves without being masked by chemistry. It creates room for God, wisdom, and time to speak.

If someone tells you courting is “old-fashioned,” what they usually mean is that it requires effort they’re unwilling to give. I’m not asking for perfection. I’m asking for presence. I’m not asking to be impressed. I’m asking to be considered.

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Love Doesn’t Rush

I’ve learned that love doesn’t rush. Lust does. Ego does. Fear does. But love moves with intention. Love shows up with a plan. Love honors boundaries instead of negotiating them away. So no, I’m not confused. I’m clear. Courting is the standard. And anything less no longer has access to me.

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Call to Action

If this essay resonated with you, I’m writing a book about healing, standards, and becoming whole after heartbreak. It’s about choosing yourself, protecting your peace, and never settling for convenience disguised as love.

 

Free Me From the “Girl’s Girl” Label

I want to say this carefully, because nuance matters.

I’m not anti-women.
I’m not anti-sisterhood.
I’m not anti-community.

However, I am deeply uninterested in performative labels that don’t align with my actual behavior.

Somewhere along the way, “girl’s girl” became a badge people wear instead of a practice they live. And in my experience, many of the loudest claims of sisterhood have come from spaces that felt unsafe, competitive, passive-aggressive, or quietly cruel.

I’ve learned that not every woman who smiles at you is for you.
Not every “sis” is safe.
And not every space labeled empowering actually empowers.

And that truth doesn’t make me bitter.
It makes me discerning.

I no longer need to be called a girl’s girl.
I need integrity.
I need emotional maturity.
I need accountability.
I need women who can celebrate without comparison, support without competition, and communicate without manipulation.

I’ve been in rooms where the language was “support,” but the energy was envy.
Where the connection felt conditional.
Where success made people uncomfortable.
Where vulnerability was collected, it was not protected.

And I’ve also been blessed by women who showed up quietly, consistently, and without performance. Women who didn’t need to announce their loyalty. Women who didn’t need a label to be decent.

That’s the difference.

Real sisterhood doesn’t need branding.
It needs character.

I also noticed something else this year, and I paid attention.

When I got engaged, the energy shifted with certain women. Subtle at first. Then obvious. Women who once checked in consistently when I was single and healing suddenly went quiet. The “hey sis” texts slowed down. The likes disappeared. The shares stopped. The calls became nonexistent.

So I did what I always do: I observed.

I went ghost from social media for a few months, not to test anyone, but to protect my peace and heal from my breakup. And in that silence, patterns revealed themselves. Support that once felt abundant evaporated the moment my life expanded. And that told me everything I needed to know.

I realized some people weren’t connected to me; they were connected to a version of me that felt non-threatening. A version they could relate to, advise, or feel superior to. When that version evolved, so did their discomfort.

I didn’t confront.
I didn’t explain.
I didn’t announce anything.

I simply peeped the energy and did a full sweep.

No warnings. No speeches. Just boundaries.

Because I’m not in competition with anyone. I’m not auditioning for space in anyone’s life. And I refuse to stay connected to people who only celebrate me when I’m struggling, but grow distant when I’m chosen, loved, or aligned.

What stood out most was the irony.

Many of the same women who claimed “girl’s girl” and “women empowerment” energy were the ones moving strangely online and in person once they realized I wasn’t engaging in the nonsense, the comparison, or the unspoken tension.

That’s when it clicked for me.

Labels mean nothing without character.
And empowerment that collapses under another woman’s joy isn’t empowerment at all.

At this stage of my life, I’m choosing relationships rooted in alignment, not optics. I’m choosing peace over proximity. Discernment over belonging. Depth over labels.

If that means I don’t fit neatly into someone else’s definition of a “girl’s girl,” I’m okay with that.

I don’t need a title.
I need truth.
I need safety.
I need a grown-woman connection.

And I trust myself enough now to choose that quietly, cleanly, and without apology.

Brown Girl Wisdom: Set the Boundary. Don’t Second-Guess It. | Storytime

Sis, let’s talk about the moment you choose you.

In this Brown Girl Wisdom audio episode, I share a real and raw storytime about what happened when a long-lost family member reached out after 10 years... not to reconnect, but to manipulate me into paying a bill.

But here’s the part that matters:
I said no — calmly, clearly, and without guilt.

This wasn’t just a “no.”
It was a sacred reclaiming of my energy, my softness, and my emotional safety.

In this episode, you’ll hear:
✨ The exact moment I leaned into my discernment and trusted it
✨ How I avoided the emotional buildup trap and kept it respectful but real
✨ Six tips for setting boundaries without guilt or overexplaining
✨ A grounding affirmation to help you walk in your power

This is for the women healing from people-pleasing, breaking generational cycles, and choosing peace over performative loyalty.

You are not wrong for setting boundaries. You are just finally loving yourself louder.
Let this be your confirmation.

📚 Recommended read:
Dodging Energy Vampires by Dr. Christiane Northrup – a powerful guide for empaths learning to protect their peace and energy.

🎧 Listen to the full audio episode and let it pour into you.

Establish Boundaries, Set Intentions

In this video, I share the importance of establishing and enforcing boundaries and intentions in your life. Learn how setting clear limits on what you accept and reject can help prevent others from playing with your emotions and time. Empower yourself to take control and build healthier relationships.

April is Stress Management Month

April is stress awareness month! Stress is the silent killer and the root of all diseases. Our primary focus should be on our health and holistic well-being.

Here are some things to help manage stress:

- Do a daily body scan: Check in with yourself and evaluate how you feel physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Seek help if you're experiencing any discomfort, chronic fatigue, depression, or anxiety.

- Take preventive care measures: Schedule regular check-ups to check your health. Get blood panels done to check for hypertension, autoimmune disease, diabetes, cancer, and other illnesses.

- Move your body: Engage in physical activities such as walking, dancing, stretching, weightlifting, yoga, or any other exercise you enjoy. Moving your body can significantly help reduce stress.

- Rest: Rest is not a luxury but a necessity. It helps your body recover from the daily wear and tear of life. Make sure you get enough rest to function at your best.

- Let go of hurt and pain: Holding onto pain and suffering can lead to unnecessary stress and shorten our lives. Try to let go of negative emotions and focus on the positive.

- Set boundaries: We can't do everything for everyone and remain healthy. Learn to say no and refer people to therapy if needed. Prioritize your own health and well-being.

- Take your PTO and sick leave: Be bold and take time off when needed. Overworking yourself will only lead to exhaustion and burnout.

 

Knowing when to Unplug

Prof Drea "Normalizing Struggle"

In 2023, we going to leave normalizing suffering and struggling behind. Many times, we suffer and work when we don’t have to! We don’t ask for help. We claim independence instead of collectiveness and interdependence. We abuse and neglect ourselves when we don’t have to. We rock the suffer and struggle cape proudly. Nah!

You don’t get a badge of honor for suffering and struggling. You become traumatized, triggered, burned out, stressed out, mental health illnesses, compassion fatigue, and anger. Prioritize yourself and your healing, letting go, and unlearning unhealthy behaviors.

Prof. Drea 'Sisters being nice and kind' #fba #b1 #profdrea

Dear Sis! There is nothing wrong with being kind, graceful, loving! Kindness is contagious so work on being unkind and undo the nastiness and meanness… it's terrible for health. Literally, it is!

Opting Out Of Unhealthy and Triggering Conversations

 

It’s okay to opt out of discussions and the opinions of others that hold no weight in your life. For example, I don’t participate in gender war conversations in my community or any other community because I’m not getting bent out of shape or compromising my mental health or self-esteem due to opinions.

I’m genuinely indifferent to this topic and the opinions of others because people are indeed in survival mode, and I refuse to entertain anything and anyone who is hateful, broken, and disrespectful towards oneself and others.

Stop giving your power and energy to these “influencers” and “slick wild talk” folks behind an avatar and screen. They don’t know you, and you don’t know them. All you know is that they probably not practicing or living what they post. Protect your energy. Take accountability and responsibility for your energy and the things you entertain, and stop giving power to harmful and abusive behaviors. Start unfollowing and blocking these people, pages, and channels.

The gender war, especially amongst Black people, is going nowhere. I don’t see any balanced solutions. So...I opt out of these discussions for sanity and to maintain my healthy mental well-being. Stop allowing others to make you feel bad about yourself. Everyone needs correcting and healing, but make sure you provide your own healing and correction to yourself and your household before you try to correct others.

Say No To Struggle Love

 

Burnout and Radical Self-Care

 Let's talk about burnout; I've been there, done that, and will not accept an invitation back.

Burnout is when you are coexisting beyond exhaustion. It's when you said yes, maybe so, even when you want to say NO!

You do it anyway because you don't want to disappoint people, or maybe you are a people pleaser.

Burnout is when you used to be vibrant and a go-getter, and now you can't get out of bed.

It's time to place boundaries in your life and take care of yourself.

On the blog, there are plenty of resources on self-care!

What to say NO to:

Say no when you don't want to do or cannot do anything else.

Say no to those useless and frivolous events and meetings that don't require your presence.

Say no, and do not pick your phone up when that same person is calling you with the drama trauma story.

Say no to victim consciousness and codependent relationships.

Say no and protect yourself from energy vampires!

Say no when too much is on your plate.

Say no to constantly working late and becoming a workaholic.

Say no without explanation.

2021 We Are Setting Boundaries: Boundaries Over Everything!

 Homework/Self-Reflection/Journaling Time: What are your boundaries and limitations?

Not ya Mama and ‘em boundaries, if they have any, however, what are your boundaries and limitations?

What areas in your life that is causing you to constantly have meltdowns and breakdowns? If you identified it, you didn’t create a boundary for it. It’s, time to create a healthy boundary so you can protect yourself and your holistic peace.

Understand that we are human and flawed and we can’t be everything to everyone! We have to place boundaries and limitations so we don’t constantly exhaust and overextend ourselves to people, places, and things that aren’t serving us.

Today’s challenge: Be authentic and transparent with yourself about your boundaries or lack thereof and write down ways you gave away your power by being a people pleaser. On the other side of the paper, write down how you are going to protect yourself, your peace, your magic, your neck (ode to Wu-Tang), and energy by recreating and setting boundaries to protect you and the people around you.

The grown folks will be alright and the users and abusers will take flight!


Yes, you are going to piss people off once you tap on and create those boundaries and reinforce them! 

Foe or Family: Fragility and Dysfunction Within Families