Through My Lens: God's Timing Is Better Than Mine

                                            The light was there, even when I couldn't see it.

Photography by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

Last year, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate the light shining in the various areas of my life because I was coexisting with darkness. I was hurting, grieving, searching, and trying to understand what God was doing in my life.

I often refer to that season as my Job season. Yet even in my brokenness, God never abandoned me. He did not shy away from my tears, my questions, or my pain. Instead, He stayed close and continued to shine His light on the places within me that needed healing, restoration, and growth.

As Psalm 34:18 reminds us:

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Day by day, God began repairing the hidden places of my heart. He revealed wounds I needed to confront, lessons I needed to learn, and strengths I didn't know I possessed.

Today, I still don't have everything figured out, and that's okay. I've learned that God's timing will always be better than my own. What I do know is this: I have come to appreciate the many ways His light appears in my life. Sometimes it arrives as peace. Sometimes, as growth. Sometimes, as unexpected opportunities. And sometimes as a quiet reminder that He has been with me all along.

The darkness did not last forever. The light was there, even when I couldn't see it.

 

                                        Peace arrives when we stop rushing God's timing.

Photography by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

Depart From Me, Counterfeit

You have to learn how to decipher who is truly for you and who is not for you. Many times, we are tired, isolated, and hopeless because our phones are dry, social media does not hit the same anymore, and we just want excitement in our lives. In those moments, desperation can make us move without discernment, wisdom, or prayer.

But desperation will have you entertaining counterfeits. In this season of my life, I am rebuilding. My discernment and prayer life are at 1000. I no longer try to fix, repair, save, or change people because only the Most High God can truly do that. My job is to depart, pray for people’s deliverance, and keep moving forward in peace.

I knew God did not play about me when He dried up everything around me. He had me delete and block people. He had me forgive them and still block them. Some people think forgiveness means continued access, but sometimes God requires separation for your protection.

I remember dragging myself into my prayer closet early in the mornings just to cry and pray because I truly felt alone. There were mornings I did not even have words. But deep down, I knew God was protecting me and redirecting me toward better, healthier, and more aligned opportunities and blessings.

Now that I am in a rebuilding season with God, I am wiser, clearer, and more knowledgeable about people, patterns, and spiritual warfare. I have also learned something humbling: I am not a victim in every situation. Some things I experienced came from reaping what I had sown because I rushed processes, ignored discernment, forced connections, and held onto people and opportunities God was trying to remove from my life.

Reap What You Sow

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

— Galatians 6:7

The scripture above humbled me because sometimes we pray for deliverance while still entertaining what God told us to leave behind. People can truly look like they are the one for you. The best friend. The homegirl. The husband. The business partner. The opportunity. But not everybody who enters your life is assigned by God. Some people are distractions sent to delay you, drain you, confuse you, or keep you emotionally attached to dysfunction.

Meanwhile, your real A1s may look different.

Your real people will intercede in prayer for you. They will pour into you. They will hold you accountable. They will lovingly correct you when you are half-stepping. They will push you toward purpose instead of chaos. They will respect your boundaries and your growth.

That is why discernment matters.

You have to assess people by their fruit, not just by chemistry, attention, words, appearance, or potential.

The Fruit of the Spirit

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

— Galatians 5:22–23

What the Fruit of the Spirit Looks Like:

• Love

• Joy

• Peace

• Patience

• Kindness

• Goodness

• Faithfulness

• Gentleness

• Self-control

Everybody can say they love God, but fruit reveals character. Pay attention to how people move when they are angry. Pay attention to how they handle correction. Pay attention to how they treat people they cannot use. Pay attention to whether they bring confusion or peace into your life.

Discernment is not judging people harshly. Discernment is wisdom. It is spiritual protection and a boundary.

Depart From Me

If you find yourself entertaining counterfeit people, step back and ask yourself: Why am I forcing what God is trying to remove?

Some of us are out here confused, emotionally drained, and delusional because we keep holding onto people that God already exposed. Everybody who gives you attention is not assigned to you. Some people are distractions wrapped in good looks, smooth words, false comfort, or temporary excitement.

That is why you need discernment and prayer.

Depart From Me Scripture

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven… Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

— Matthew 7:21–23

Sometimes God will literally separate you from people because their presence is blocking your peace, purpose, growth, and obedience. You do not want to get caught up out here in these streets attached to counterfeits who leave you confused, spiritually drained, anxious, and disconnected from God.

Get away from that.

Spend time with the Most High. Spend time reading your Bible.

Spend time in prayer. Spend time healing instead of chasing validation, attention, or potential.

Isolation with God is better than confusion with counterfeits.

And listen, when God removes people from your life, let them go, honey.

Stop reopening doors God closed. Stop trying to rescue people God separated you from. Stop romanticizing dysfunction because you are lonely.

God is not removing people to punish you. He is protecting you. He is clearing space for peace, purpose, healing, divine connections, and better opportunities.

Some separations are blessings in disguise.

And let me say this too: some of y’all need discernment, prayer, AND therapy. Go sit on that couch and go talk to the lady. Be honest with the lady and be honest with yourself and DO THE INNER WORK!!!!

Healing is spiritual, but sometimes healing is also practical. Some people are carrying abandonment wounds, trauma, rejection, people-pleasing habits, low self-worth, and emotional chaos into every relationship and connection. Then, when things fall apart, they blame everybody except the unhealed parts of themselves.

Therapy helped me become more accountable, self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and honest with myself. Prayer is powerful, but God can also use wise counsel, licensed professionals, and safe spaces to help you heal.

There is nothing weak about getting help. Nothing is embarrassing about unpacking your pain. There is nothing wrong with learning healthier patterns.

Some folks are entertaining counterfeits because they are afraid to be alone. Some people are trauma-bonding instead of building healthy connections. Some people are addicted to chaos because peace feels unfamiliar.

Healing requires honesty.

You cannot pray for healthy relationships while ignoring unhealthy behaviors, unresolved wounds, lack of boundaries, or emotional dysfunction.

God will do His part, but you also have to do the work.

Pray.

Read your Bible.

Fast.

Journal.

Rest.

Go to therapy.

Set boundaries.

And stop giving everybody access to you.

Protect your peace, honey.

In this season, I am choosing peace over potential.

I am choosing prayer over panic.

I am choosing discernment over desperation.

And I am choosing obedience over attachment.

Some people are assignments.

Some people are lessons.

Some people are distractions.

And some people are divine.

Ask God for the wisdom to know the difference.

 

In My Wilderness Season… Ghetto, Holy, and God Said “Trust Me” Like I Had Options

I have a secret to share. You ready?

I’ve been in my wilderness season, and I bet you didn’t even notice. Why? Because I’ve been off social media and out here raw dogging my emotions… well, respectfully, in my prayer closet where my beautiful grey oak floors now have some of my tear stains.

When I tell you I have been dragged for filth, I mean that.

This wilderness season has been dragging me for filth, for real. For the past year, I have been in a full wilderness experience, and I’m not talking about a cute “finding myself” moment. I mean, no map, no clear directions, and me asking God daily, “Where are we going and when is this over?” Because everything you can think of has either happened or is currently happening.

I’ve released people with love, been laid off, and my unemployment is still pending. And yet somehow, by the grace of God, my bills are still paid, and my sanity is still intact. Listen… that alone is a testimony.

I’ve been in my prayer closet twice a day. Crying, rolling on the floor, getting pruned, and still trying to stay disciplined by going to the gym. The whole time I’m on the treadmill, fighting tears and trying to keep it together during my sets. At this point, I’ve learned to stop resisting and just cry. No shame, no holding back. I am crying like that little child whose parent pulled up to the school and caught them acting out. No warning, no escape, just consequences and tears. That’s exactly where I’m at.

And the confusion has been real. There have been days when I’ve been so confused I just start laughing and say, “Okay God… this is what you got me doing today?” Because honestly, what else can you do but laugh at this point?

Now let me tell you how deep this wilderness got. The other day, I thought I had the flu. Fever, chills, fatigue, night sweats, everything. I go to the doctor, they test me for everything, and she tells me, “Congratulations, you don’t have anything.” Ma’am… what do you mean I don’t have anything? So I go home and do what I do best, research like the scholar I am, and I discover something called period flu. Yes, period flu. Twelve hours later, my cycle starts, and I just sat there like… this is insane. At that point, I felt like I should be listed in a medical journal as a real-life example.

But what makes this season even deeper is how I’m going through it. I am doing this wilderness without social media. No numbing devices, no scrolling to escape, no distractions to check out mentally. I even stopped listening to music.

Chile…

Do you understand how quiet it gets when you remove all the noise? It’s just you, your thoughts, and God. That kind of silence will either break you or build you.

But in that quiet, I found something I didn’t expect. I got back into my hobbies. I started dating myself again. Taking my little solo trips to reset and recover. Sitting with myself and really learning who I am without all the outside noise and opinions.

And I’m not even going to lie… I like her.

I’ve spent a lot of time alone in this season, and I’m okay with that because I’m realizing this is not isolation, this is preparation. I am refining, redefining, praying, and surrendering. Because truthfully, I don’t know what’s next, but I do know who does, and that’s enough for me.

The moment I decided to give everything to God last year, this wilderness season began. Not because I did something wrong, but because I said yes to transformation.

So if you are in a season where things feel uncomfortable, uncertain, and a little bit ghetto, you are not alone. You are being stretched, shaped, and prepared.

Even if it looks like crying at the gym, even if it feels like confusion every other day, even if your body is out here introducing new symptoms you didn’t ask for, God is still in it.

And one day, you’re going to look back and realize this season didn’t break you, it built you.

Until then, I’m going to keep praying, keep crying, keep laughing, and keep trusting God. And apparently… keep Googling my symptoms too. 😌

Scriptures That Carried Me Through This Season

Because Boo… I didn’t get through this on vibes alone. God had to hold me down for real.

Matthew 6:33
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Because even when everything around me felt uncertain, I kept choosing God first… and somehow, everything I needed kept showing up.

Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Every tear in that prayer closet? Seen. Every breakdown? Covered.

Proverbs 3:5–6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…”
Because let’s be honest… none of this makes sense. But I’m trusting anyway.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
“To everything there is a season…”
Even this. Yes, even this wilderness. It has an expiration date.

Romans 8:28
“And we know that all things work together for good…”
Not some things. Not cute things. All things.

Galatians 6:9
“Let us not become weary in doing good…”
Because quitting has definitely crossed my mind. But I’m still here.

1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Because some days the only thing I could do was hand it all over to God… tears, stress, confusion, and all.

Psalm 23:1–3
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.”
Because even in this wilderness, God is still providing, still leading, and still restoring me… even when I’m laid out on the floor crying.

 

If You Can't Court Me, You Can't Touch Me

We need to bring back courting. And before anyone gets confused, let me define it.

Courting is an intention.

Courting is an effort.

Courting is clarity.

It is real dates. Planned dates. Public dates. Not “your house or my house.” That is not a date. That is convenience disguised as interest.

How We Got Here

Somewhere along the way, we lowered the standard and renamed it flexibility. We started calling access connection and effort optional. We allowed people into our bodies, our beds, and sometimes our lives without ever asking them to show us who they were when it actually mattered. And then we act surprised by the outcome.

How do you build a life with someone who never took you on a real date?

How do you share a child with someone who never shared the intention?

---

What Courting Actually Means

Courting is not old-fashioned. It is foundational. It tells you how someone values time. How they handle responsibility. How do they show care when nothing is guaranteed? Courting creates a container where discernment can live. It slows things down just enough for truth to show itself. It makes room for observation instead of assumption, consistency instead of chemistry.

---

The Standard I Stand On

And here is the part people don’t like to hear: If they cannot court you, they do not get access to you.

Not your body.

Not your energy.

Not your softness.

Courting is not about being difficult. It is about being deliberate. And I am no longer confused about the difference.

---

Why This Matters

Courting protects everyone involved. It gives space for discernment. It allows red flags to show themselves without being masked by chemistry. It creates room for God, wisdom, and time to speak.

If someone tells you courting is “old-fashioned,” what they usually mean is that it requires effort they’re unwilling to give. I’m not asking for perfection. I’m asking for presence. I’m not asking to be impressed. I’m asking to be considered.

---

Love Doesn’t Rush

I’ve learned that love doesn’t rush. Lust does. Ego does. Fear does. But love moves with intention. Love shows up with a plan. Love honors boundaries instead of negotiating them away. So no, I’m not confused. I’m clear. Courting is the standard. And anything less no longer has access to me.

---

Call to Action

If this essay resonated with you, I’m writing a book about healing, standards, and becoming whole after heartbreak. It’s about choosing yourself, protecting your peace, and never settling for convenience disguised as love.

 

💛 Burnout, Breakdowns & Breakthroughs: Why I Took a Sacred Pause

Hey sis,
It’s been a journey.
I took a sacred pause from social media, creating content, and even parts of my personal life, not because I wanted to, but because I had to.

In my latest video on the Brown Girl From Boston YouTube channel, I’m sharing the raw, real, and reflective story behind my hiatus:
– Navigating burnout
– Holding space for my family during life-changing transitions
– Losing my beloved cat
– Taking a pause from my engagement when our values no longer aligned
– And ultimately… surrendering to God, therapy, and healing

This isn’t a glam comeback — it’s a faceless one.
Because even when I couldn’t show my face, I never lost my voice.

If you’ve ever found yourself in survival mode while trying to stay strong for everyone else…
If you’ve ever had to let go of a version of yourself you once prayed for…
If you’re rediscovering your strength in the quiet…
Then this video is for you.

🖤 Watch it now:
🎥 Burnout, Breakdowns & Breakthroughs: My Brown Girl Healing Season

👇🏾 Leave a comment if you've ever had to pause to protect your peace.
Let’s normalize resting, rebuilding, and rising in our own divine timing.

With grace & gratitude,

Drea

Dear Sis: You Don’t Owe Struggle a Comeback

Dear Sis,

We don't want to continue to struggle with our mental health, our weight, the weight of others, love, complacency, or fill in the blank with that one thing you are currently struggling with. Today, we are breaking up with our struggle story. 

You’ve carried enough. The weight of potential. The silence of being misunderstood. The shame of staying too long. The ache of releasing something you wanted to work so badly.

But what if I told you:

You don’t owe a comeback story.

You don’t have to prove your strength by surviving chaos anymore.

Sis, this new chapter?

It’s not about bouncing back, it’s about breaking free.

This season is about softness without guilt.

Simplicity without shame.

Sovereignty over your time, your peace, your energy.

You’re allowed to heal without performing it. You’re allowed to move in silence, to take walks that no one tracks, to pray in whispers, and to build a life so aligned, it doesn’t need an announcement.

Lately, you've been redefining everything:

• Success is peace.

• Wealth is rest.

• Health is listening to your body, honoring your boundaries, and letting God reorder your steps.

• Love? It’s sacred, not sacrificial.

You're not lazy, Sis. You're liberating yourself.

You're not behind. You're being rebuilt.

You’re not waiting on a breakthrough. You are the breakthrough.

Journal Prompt:

What am I no longer available for—and what am I making sacred space to receive?

Affirmation:

“I release the need to hustle for healing. I choose ease. I choose joy. I choose me.”

Sis, if you needed a sign to stop running back to what hurt, this is it. You are not called to carry what God has asked you to lay down.

Breathe deeper. Walk lighter. Live freer.

You owe no one an explanation for your peace.

With grace and truth,

Drea

Your Brown Girl From Boston

 

Dear Sis, You Are Not Defective: You’re Evolving

Sis, let’s talk. Not the surface-level stuff. I’m talking about the real, raw, sometimes uncomfortable truth.

This week, I had to sit by myself. Not just the polished, got-it-together version but the soul-stretched, emotionally drained, grieving version. The one who finally said, “Enough is enough.” The one who walked away, not out of bitterness, but out of deep, spiritual clarity.

Because, truth be told, sometimes relationships shift, not because we failed, but because we grew. We outgrew emotional dumping grounds. We outgrew being unseen. We outgrew the fight to be loved correctly.

Let’s be clear: being twice divorced, breaking off engagements, or not having a child by a certain age does not make you defective. You are not broken. You are not hard to love. You are not “too much.”

You are evolving.

You are shedding what no longer fits your soul, and yes, that’s painful. It’s grief. It’s confusing. It’s lying on the couch, wondering how you ended up here again. But it’s also sacred. Because grief is love in disguise. Grieving the fantasy, the expectations, the promises that were made but not honored. And still, you rise.

This week, I made a decision. I am reclaiming my voice, my body, my joy. I’m choosing softness, not weakness. I’m choosing peace, not people-pleasing. I’m choosing to show up for me, not for someone who’s not ready to meet me where I stand.

It’s okay if you’re in survival mode. It’s okay if you don’t feel strong right now. Just don’t forget: there’s another chapter after this one. Rest if you must. Cry if you need to. But trust, sis, you are rebuilding, not retreating.

God’s timing is divine. When it’s your turn, nothing-no detour, delay, or doubt-can block it. And when peace feels foreign, lean into this truth:

“So God created [Andrea] in His own image.” (Genesis 1:27 personalized — feel free to replace with your own name.)

You were created with purpose. Your softness, your fire, your intuition, your grace it’s all by divine design.

So, here’s your reminder:

Take a nap.

Cut the cord.

Save your joy.

Reclaim your time.

Choose what aligns, not what drains.

And if no one told you today, sis, I see you. I love you. You are not alone.

Affirmation:

“I am not behind. I am becoming. And everything I’ve walked away from is making space for everything aligned to walk in.”