In My Wilderness Season… Ghetto, Holy, and God Said “Trust Me” Like I Had Options

I have a secret to share. You ready?

I’ve been in my wilderness season, and I bet you didn’t even notice. Why? Because I’ve been off social media and out here raw dogging my emotions… well, respectfully, in my prayer closet where my beautiful grey oak floors now have some of my tear stains.

When I tell you I have been dragged for filth, I mean that.

This wilderness season has been dragging me for filth, for real. For the past year, I have been in a full wilderness experience, and I’m not talking about a cute “finding myself” moment. I mean, no map, no clear directions, and me asking God daily, “Where are we going and when is this over?” Because everything you can think of has either happened or is currently happening.

I’ve released people with love, been laid off, and my unemployment is still pending. And yet somehow, by the grace of God, my bills are still paid, and my sanity is still intact. Listen… that alone is a testimony.

I’ve been in my prayer closet twice a day. Crying, rolling on the floor, getting pruned, and still trying to stay disciplined by going to the gym. The whole time I’m on the treadmill, fighting tears and trying to keep it together during my sets. At this point, I’ve learned to stop resisting and just cry. No shame, no holding back. I am crying like that little child whose parent pulled up to the school and caught them acting out. No warning, no escape, just consequences and tears. That’s exactly where I’m at.

And the confusion has been real. There have been days when I’ve been so confused I just start laughing and say, “Okay God… this is what you got me doing today?” Because honestly, what else can you do but laugh at this point?

Now let me tell you how deep this wilderness got. The other day, I thought I had the flu. Fever, chills, fatigue, night sweats, everything. I go to the doctor, they test me for everything, and she tells me, “Congratulations, you don’t have anything.” Ma’am… what do you mean I don’t have anything? So I go home and do what I do best, research like the scholar I am, and I discover something called period flu. Yes, period flu. Twelve hours later, my cycle starts, and I just sat there like… this is insane. At that point, I felt like I should be listed in a medical journal as a real-life example.

But what makes this season even deeper is how I’m going through it. I am doing this wilderness without social media. No numbing devices, no scrolling to escape, no distractions to check out mentally. I even stopped listening to music.

Chile…

Do you understand how quiet it gets when you remove all the noise? It’s just you, your thoughts, and God. That kind of silence will either break you or build you.

But in that quiet, I found something I didn’t expect. I got back into my hobbies. I started dating myself again. Taking my little solo trips to reset and recover. Sitting with myself and really learning who I am without all the outside noise and opinions.

And I’m not even going to lie… I like her.

I’ve spent a lot of time alone in this season, and I’m okay with that because I’m realizing this is not isolation, this is preparation. I am refining, redefining, praying, and surrendering. Because truthfully, I don’t know what’s next, but I do know who does, and that’s enough for me.

The moment I decided to give everything to God last year, this wilderness season began. Not because I did something wrong, but because I said yes to transformation.

So if you are in a season where things feel uncomfortable, uncertain, and a little bit ghetto, you are not alone. You are being stretched, shaped, and prepared.

Even if it looks like crying at the gym, even if it feels like confusion every other day, even if your body is out here introducing new symptoms you didn’t ask for, God is still in it.

And one day, you’re going to look back and realize this season didn’t break you, it built you.

Until then, I’m going to keep praying, keep crying, keep laughing, and keep trusting God. And apparently… keep Googling my symptoms too. 😌

Scriptures That Carried Me Through This Season

Because Boo… I didn’t get through this on vibes alone. God had to hold me down for real.

Matthew 6:33
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Because even when everything around me felt uncertain, I kept choosing God first… and somehow, everything I needed kept showing up.

Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Every tear in that prayer closet? Seen. Every breakdown? Covered.

Proverbs 3:5–6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…”
Because let’s be honest… none of this makes sense. But I’m trusting anyway.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
“To everything there is a season…”
Even this. Yes, even this wilderness. It has an expiration date.

Romans 8:28
“And we know that all things work together for good…”
Not some things. Not cute things. All things.

Galatians 6:9
“Let us not become weary in doing good…”
Because quitting has definitely crossed my mind. But I’m still here.

1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Because some days the only thing I could do was hand it all over to God… tears, stress, confusion, and all.

Psalm 23:1–3
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.”
Because even in this wilderness, God is still providing, still leading, and still restoring me… even when I’m laid out on the floor crying.