The Radical Joy of Black Women: Permission to Play

Andrea C. Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

I enjoy being a whimsical, soft, centered, sensitive, and radically joyful Black woman. This year, I have intentionally tapped back into that part of myself, and Chile, it feels good!

I think so many times, as Black women, we shy away from being radically joyful, whimsical, and lighthearted because we have been taught to value our labor. We have been taught to be productive all the time. We have been taught to work hard, show up, solve problems, and keep going. But have we really been taught how to rest? Have we been taught how to play? Have we been taught that it's okay to simply enjoy our lives without feeling guilty about it?

As someone who puts my faith and trust in the Most High God, I often reflect on the many Bible verses that remind us of the importance of rest. Even God rested after creating the heavens and the earth. And when I think about how God created us, how we are fearfully and wonderfully made, I believe He sprinkled a little joy, whimsy, laughter, and lightheartedness into each of us. Those characteristics are part of who we are, too.

Sometimes, when I think about the lives we live and the constant expectations placed upon us, I find myself saying, "This can't be life!" Because surely, life is about more than working, producing, worrying, and carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.

Giving Myself Permission to Play

Being radically joyful has opened my heart to giving myself permission to experience joy and encouraging others to do the same. I want to spread love, light, and joy through my smile, my laughter, my creativity, and how I show up in the world. And I've learned that I don't have to master everything I try.

I don't have to master every dance step. I don't have to become a professional painter after taking a painting class. I don't have to master jewelry making. And I certainly don't have to master every new task at work on the first try. Sometimes, I just want to enjoy the experience!

Chile, especially during dance class. There are moments when I'm learning choreography and thinking, "Now, do I really have to get on this floor and do that roll she just asked us to do?" LOL! But that's part of the joy. Being able to laugh at myself, enjoy the experience, and not take everything so seriously.

I am learning to give myself permission to be a beginner, to make mistakes, and to simply enjoy the process. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. Everything doesn't have to become an accomplishment. Sometimes, it's enough to participate, laugh, and have a good time.

“A little dancing, a little laughter, and a whole lot of joy. Giving myself permission to play, one dance step at a time!”

Laughter Makes My Heart Light

I love to laugh. Laughter makes my heart feel light. It helps me release some of the burdens I've carried, especially while doing ancestral work, healing, and breaking generational cycles. That work is important to me, but it can also be emotionally exhausting. And sometimes, I just want to laugh!

I want to laugh without feeling like I have to explain myself. I want to laugh without carrying the weight of yesterday into today. I want to laugh because something is genuinely funny. Laughter creates space for connection. It can be contagious, healing, and comforting. It can also create safe spaces where we feel comfortable enough to let our hair down and simply be ourselves.

I believe Black women deserve more of those spaces. Spaces where we don't have to be the strong one. Spaces where we don't have to solve everybody's problems. Spaces where we can be soft, sensitive, playful, and joyful. Spaces where we can laugh until our stomachs hurt without worrying about what someone else thinks.

Joy Is Not Something We Have to Earn

One thing I have come to understand is that joy is not something we have to earn. Joy already exists within us. Sometimes, we just have to rediscover it.

We have to thaw those icicles that have formed around our hearts from years of disappointment, responsibilities, grief, and simply trying to survive. Because we live in a society that constantly tells us to be productive. You have time to work. You have time to produce. You have time to build something. You have time to be provocative on social media. But joy? "Who has time for joy? We don't do that around here!"

Well, I do! And I'm making a conscious decision and commitment to continue indulging in joy. Not just when something extraordinary happens. Not just when I accomplish a major goal. Not just when everything in my life is going according to plan. But right now, in the middle of everyday life.

Finding Joy in the Little Things

I'm finding joy in watching a baby laugh uncontrollably. You know, that cute little laugh that makes everybody around them smile. I'm finding joy in watching a student who once struggled with self-esteem, confidence, or writing finally recognize their abilities. There is something beautiful about witnessing someone discover that they are capable of more than they believed.

I'm finding joy in creativity. In dancing. In painting. In making jewelry. In trying something new without putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I'm finding joy in the process of moving from survival to thriving. And I'm finding joy in telling my story. Not just the difficult chapters, but the beautiful ones, too.

Because sometimes, we become so focused on everything we've endured that we forget to celebrate how far we've come. We forget to celebrate the laughter, the growth, the breakthroughs, and the moments when we realize that we're no longer in the same emotional, spiritual, or physical space we once occupied. And those moments deserve to be celebrated!

From Surviving to Thriving

I don't want to spend the rest of my life simply surviving. I want to thrive. I want to enjoy the life God has given me. I want to continue being a whimsical, sensitive, soft, centered, and radically joyful Black woman. I want to laugh loudly, smile often, dance even when I miss a step, and create things simply because I enjoy creating them.

I want to continue doing the necessary work of healing and breaking cycles without allowing that work to consume every part of my identity. Because there is more to me than what I've experienced. There is more to Black womanhood than struggle, sacrifice, labor, and resilience. There is joy. There is creativity. There is softness. There is laughter. There is play. And there is beauty in allowing ourselves to experience all of it.

I believe we have to stop treating joy as something that comes after the work is finished. Sometimes, the work will never be completely finished. There will always be another responsibility, another assignment, another goal, or another challenge. But that doesn't mean we have to postpone our happiness.

We can experience joy while we're growing. We can experience joy while we're healing. We can experience joy while we're learning. We can experience joy while we're still figuring things out. And we can give ourselves permission to play along the way.

So, here's to the Black women who are rediscovering their laughter. The Black women who are embracing their softness. The Black women who are learning how to rest without guilt. The Black women who are trying new things, making mistakes, laughing at themselves, and enjoying the experience. And the Black women who are making the conscious decision to move from surviving to thriving.

As for me? I'm rising to the top, and I'm laughing all the way to the top!

Because my joy matters. My laughter matters. My softness matters. And I no longer need permission from anyone else to enjoy the life God has given me.

Here's to being radically joyful, unapologetically whimsical, and giving ourselves permission to play!

With love, light, laughter, and a little whimsy,

Brown Girl From Boston