Through My Lens: Somewhere Between Istanbul and Bishkek

Somewhere between Istanbul and Bishkek, the sky decided to show off.

Photographed by Andrea C. Stallworth.

There are moments when you look out the window and think: How in the world did I get here?

Seriously. I was on my way to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan, with a layover in Istanbul, Turkey, looking out of an airplane window at clouds glowing pink and gold beneath me. And all I could think was: Girl. You are really out here. A Brown girl from Boston, Mattapan to be exact. Thousands of feet in the air, traveling across the world with a camera nearby because apparently I cannot go anywhere without taking pictures. 

Sometimes I think we become so focused on getting to the destination that we forget there is a whole story happening on the way there. This was one of those moments.

Chasing light somewhere above the clouds on the journey to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan. Photographed by Andrea C. Stallworth.

I love traveling because it reminds me just how big this world really is. Something is humbling about leaving what you know behind, crossing oceans, walking through unfamiliar airports, hearing different languages, seeing different faces, eating different foods, and realizing that your little corner of the world is exactly that: a corner.

There is so much more to see.

Istanbul was my layover, but even being there felt significant. I was in Turkey, preparing to continue on to Kyrgyzstan, a place I probably couldn't have pointed to on a map as a little girl growing up in Boston.

Yet there I was. Passport in hand. Window seat secured. Camera ready. Because, priorities. And then the sun started doing this.

The view before the arrival. Somewhere between where I had been and where I was going. Photographed by Andrea C. Stallworth.

Photography has taught me that the story isn't always waiting at the destination. Sometimes the journey is the photograph. The airplane wing. The clouds. The changing light.The view from a tiny window while you're suspended somewhere between one country and another. I didn't need to stage anything. I just needed to pay attention. And maybe that's what traveling has taught me too.
Pay attention.

Look out the window. Walk the unfamiliar street. Try the food. Talk to people. Take the picture.
Stand still long enough to realize, Wow. I am actually here. Because life has taken me places I never could have predicted. From Boston to Alabama. From Alabama into classrooms, careers, experiences, and adventures.

And on this particular journey, all the way to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan, by way of Istanbul, Turkey. That's wild when I really think about it. But that's also why I keep the photographs. They are evidence. Evidence that I went. Evidence that I saw. Evidence that there is a whole world beyond the familiar.
And evidence that sometimes you have to get far enough away from home to realize just how far you've come. So take the trip. 

Take the window seat. Bring the camera. Look up.
And when the sky decides to show off... take the picture.

Through My Lens
Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan via Istanbul, Turkey
Photography & words by Andrea C. Stallworth
Brown Girl From Boston

Just a girl from Mattapan seeing what the rest of the world looks like through her lens.

 

If I’m Honest Is Here: What Healing Taught Me About Choosing Myself

Whew.

I wrote another book, y’all.

And If I’m Honest is officially out in the world.

Even typing that feels a little wild because this book came from a version of me who was trying to figure out what life looked like after disappointment, heartbreak, change, grief, and realizing that some things I desperately wanted were simply not meant to come with me into my next chapter.

If I’m honest, no pun intended, I didn’t know all of this was going to turn into a book. I was just writing. Writing through the silence. Writing through the questions. Writing when I was angry. Writing when I finally had clarity. Writing when God was showing me things about myself that I probably would have preferred not to see. 😂

And somewhere in all of that writing, I started meeting myself again.

Not the version of me who could tolerate anything. Not the version who thought being understanding meant having unlimited grace for everybody except herself. Not the version who made herself smaller so other people could remain comfortable.

Me.

The woman underneath all of that.

Healing Didn’t Look Like I Thought It Would

Healing wasn’t me sitting around waiting until I magically felt better. It looked like therapy. It looked like boundaries. It looked like prayer. It looked like being quiet long enough to hear myself think. It looked like accepting that closure doesn’t always come with an apology or explanation.

But healing also started looking like living.

I started creating again. I picked up watercolor paint. I made jewelry. I danced. I traveled. I took photographs. I joined a writing community. I tried new things simply because they sounded interesting.

And somehow, in one of the hardest seasons of my life, my creativity came alive.

That part still gets me.

Because sometimes we think healing means getting back to who we were before something happened.

I don’t want to go back.

I like who I’m becoming.

And Then There Was If I’m Honest

This is probably the most vulnerable book I’ve written. There are essays. There are interludes. There are pieces of my story that required me to sit with myself and ask, Girl, are we really putting this in the book?

Apparently, the answer was yes. 😂

So congratulations.

This is your opportunity to get all up in my business.

But underneath the humor is something much deeper. I wrote If I’m Honest because I know I’m not the only person who has had to rebuild. I’m not the only woman who has loved deeply and then had to learn how to pour some of that love back into herself.

I’m not the only person who has had plans fall apart and wondered, Okay, God…now what?

And I’m definitely not the only person who has discovered that sometimes the life waiting on the other side of disappointment looks nothing like the life we originally prayed for.

Sometimes it looks different.

And sometimes, different turns out to be beautiful.

🎥 Watch Me Read From If I’m Honest

  

In this video, I’m sharing a little piece of If I’m Honest, talking about what this book means to me, and saying thank you to everyone who has supported me along the way.

And yes, I misspoke in the video. I’m an ’80s baby who was raised in the ’90s. Y’all knew what I meant. 😂 I wasn’t recording it again!

The Silence Became Sacred

There was a time when silence felt uncomfortable to me.

Now?

The silence became sacred.

It gave me room to hear God. It gave me room to hear myself. It gave me room to stop chasing answers and start paying attention to what my life was teaching me.

Eventually, I stopped asking how I could get my old life back.

I started asking:

What can I create with the life I have now?

Apparently, quite a bit.

A book. Art. Joy. Peace. New experiences. A softer relationship with myself.

And I’m just getting started.

Thank You

To everybody who has read Brown Girl From Boston over the years, purchased one of my books, shared one of my posts, sent me a message, encouraged my creativity, prayed for me, or simply quietly rooted for me: thank you.

Seriously.

I don’t take any of it for granted.

And above everything else, I give thanks to the Most High for the gift of writing. For giving me something to say. For allowing me to turn pain into purpose without pretending the pain never happened. For reminding me that an ending doesn’t mean God is finished writing the story.

So today, I’m celebrating.

Not just because I published another book.

I’m celebrating because I stayed the course.

I kept living. I kept healing. I kept creating. I kept praying.

And I kept becoming.

If I’m Honest is officially here.

Come get all up in my business. 😂🤎📖

And maybe somewhere inside my story, you’ll recognize a little bit of your own.

Peace, Love, and Light,

Drea

📖 Get Your Copy of If I’m Honest

If I’m Honest: Essays on Truth, Healing, Love, and Becoming is available now.

The Art of Choosing Myself

                An excerpt from my upcoming essay collection, If I'm Being Honest

There comes a point in life when you realize you've spent more time waiting than living.

Waiting for the right season.
Waiting for the right relationship.
Waiting until you feel ready.
Waiting for permission to fully embrace the life that's already yours.

For years, I believed joy would arrive someday—that life would truly begin once everything fell into place. Healing taught me something different. It reminded me that life isn't something we postpone until the circumstances are perfect. It's unfolding every single day.

The Art of Choosing Myself is one of the most personal essays in my upcoming collection, If I'm Being Honest, because it tells the story of what happened when I stopped waiting and started living.

I hope these words encourage you to embrace the life you have today while trusting God with the life you're still praying for.

---

There was a time when I believed joy had to be shared to be real.

I thought the best meals were meant to be eaten across from someone else.

The best concerts were meant to be experienced hand in hand.

The best vacations require company.

The best memories needed witnesses.

Then life taught me something unexpected.

Some of the most beautiful moments of my life happened when it was just me.

After years of surviving, grieving, rebuilding, and waiting for life to feel "normal" again, I stopped postponing my happiness.

I stopped waiting for someone to accompany me before I experienced joy.

Instead, I started asking myself a different question:

"What would make me feel alive today?"

Sometimes the answer was simple.

A walk through an art festival.

A concert under the stars.

A museum.

A solo road trip.

A quiet dinner.

A candle-making class.

Taking photographs of places that made me pause.

Watching people dance.

Laughing with strangers.

Buying myself flowers just because.

None of those moments were extraordinary by themselves.

But together, they became something sacred.

They became evidence that my life was happening now—not someday.

For years, I unknowingly postponed joy.

"I'll do that when I'm married."

"I'll go there when I have someone."

"I'll celebrate after I accomplish this."

Healing reminded me that life is not a waiting room.

It is happening every single day.

I realized I wasn't learning how to be alone.

I was learning how to enjoy my own company.

There's a difference.

Being alone can feel like absence.

Enjoying your own company feels like freedom.

The more I chose myself, the less I needed external validation to enjoy my life.

I became curious again.

Creative again.

Playful again.

I started saying yes to experiences instead of excuses.

I wandered through festivals with my camera.

I explored cities I'd never seen before.

I laughed out loud with no audience.

I created memories that belonged entirely to me.

And somewhere along the way...

I stopped feeling like I was waiting for my life to begin.

It already had.

One of the greatest gifts healing gave me wasn't confidence.

It was permission.

Permission to stop waiting.

Permission to stop apologizing for taking up space.

Permission to enjoy the life God had already given me.

Today, choosing myself doesn't look selfish.

It looks like stewardship.

It looks like honoring the woman God is shaping me into.

It looks like protecting my peace.

It looks like saying yes to joy, even when no one else is there to witness it.

Ironically, the more I learned to enjoy my own company, the more open I became to healthy companionship.

Not because I needed someone to complete my life.

But because I had finally built a life worth sharing.

Choosing myself never meant choosing isolation.

It meant refusing to abandon myself ever again.

Because if I'm honest...

The greatest love story I almost missed...

Was the one between the woman I was becoming and me.

---

Thank you for reading.

The Art of Choosing Myself is one of the essays featured in my upcoming collection, If I'm Being Honest, a book about healing, faith, resilience, and learning to embrace the life you're living while trusting God with the life you're still praying for.

📖 Pre-order your copy here:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H96JK4W7

Thank you for supporting independent authors and for being part of this journey.

Love,

Drea

 

Through My Lens: Learning to Love the Lane I'm In

Sometimes the most beautiful views aren't found at the destination, they're waiting beside the road while you're simply moving forward.

Photo by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

There was a time when I spent more energy looking at everyone else's lane than appreciating my own. I measured timelines, compared milestones, and wondered if I was somehow behind. But somewhere along this journey, I realized that peace doesn't come from changing lanes. It comes from learning to appreciate the one God has already placed before you.

These days, I'm not in a hurry. I'm building my health, strengthening my faith, growing my career, nurturing meaningful relationships, and making room for joy. Every mile has taught me something. Every detour has shaped me. Looking out this window reminded me that life isn't just about arriving; it's about noticing the beauty that exists while you're on the way.

Through My Lens: Alabama After Dark

                                                              Photo by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

Deep in the heart of Dixie.

On my way to see Jeezy at the historic Alabama Theatre, I paused long enough to capture downtown Birmingham after dark. A city built on complicated and sacred ground, carrying the stories of those who came before us.

The lights shine differently when you know the history.

Through My Lens: God's Timing Is Better Than Mine

                                            The light was there, even when I couldn't see it.

Photography by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

Last year, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate the light shining in the various areas of my life because I was coexisting with darkness. I was hurting, grieving, searching, and trying to understand what God was doing in my life.

I often refer to that season as my Job season. Yet even in my brokenness, God never abandoned me. He did not shy away from my tears, my questions, or my pain. Instead, He stayed close and continued to shine His light on the places within me that needed healing, restoration, and growth.

As Psalm 34:18 reminds us:

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Day by day, God began repairing the hidden places of my heart. He revealed wounds I needed to confront, lessons I needed to learn, and strengths I didn't know I possessed.

Today, I still don't have everything figured out, and that's okay. I've learned that God's timing will always be better than my own. What I do know is this: I have come to appreciate the many ways His light appears in my life. Sometimes it arrives as peace. Sometimes, as growth. Sometimes, as unexpected opportunities. And sometimes as a quiet reminder that He has been with me all along.

The darkness did not last forever. The light was there, even when I couldn't see it.

 

                                        Peace arrives when we stop rushing God's timing.

Photography by Andrea Stallworth | Brown Girl From Boston

🌺 Where Culture, Clarity & Creativity Meet: Welcome to the Fly Girl Shop by Andrea

 

Sis, let’s talk about legacy, intention, and the fly life.

You know that feeling when something just clicks — when your culture, your clarity, and your creativity come together in divine alignment? That’s the heartbeat of the Fly Girl Shop by Andrea, and I’m so proud to finally share this sacred space with you.

This shop isn’t just a collection of pretty things — it’s a love letter to you, the bold, radiant, and evolving Black woman who dares to live life on her own terms. Whether you’re walking in your healing era, your soft life season, or your creative comeback — you’ll find something here that speaks directly to your soul.

🖼️ Art That Reflects Your Journey

Every acrylic photo block in the shop captures a moment of beauty, power, and peace. From the sunset over Key West to the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, each image tells a story — our story. These aren’t just photos; they’re affirmations in visual form, reminding us to pause, breathe, and remember who we are.

📓 Tools for Soul-Centered Goal Setting

You know I’m all about keeping our vision sharp and our goals rooted in purpose. That’s why I created digital workbooks and goal-setting templates specifically for women like us — dreamers with depth. These tools aren’t about hustle culture. They’re about aligned ambition. Reflection. Healing. Clarity.

💎 Jewelry That Speaks to the Spirit

Sometimes you don’t need to say a word — your presence, your light, your energy speaks for you. That’s what these pieces are made for. The Fly Girl Bangles, statement earrings, and curated adornments are more than accessories — they’re declarations of self-love, confidence, and power.

---

You’re Not Just Shopping. You’re Curating a Life.

When you support this shop, you’re not just buying a product. You’re investing in a vision — one built on creativity, culture, intention, and freedom. You’re affirming the dreams of a Black woman artist who believes deeply in storytelling through design. You’re helping me — Andrea — continue to create, to teach, to give, and to show up fully as a vessel of light and love.

This space is for all of us who are reclaiming softness, honoring our voices, and designing lives we don’t need to escape from.

Whether you're gifting yourself or someone you love, I pray each item brings joy, connection, and inspiration into your space.

---

🛍️ Shop the Collection

💫 Visit the Fly Girl Shop on Etsy
🖤 Thank you for supporting this Black woman-owned business.

Everything is 10% off! Make sure you use FLYGIRL for the promo code at checkout. 

Stay fly & full of purpose,
Andrea 💫
Creator | Chief Fly Girl |Visionary

Dear Sis: You Don’t Owe Struggle a Comeback

Dear Sis,

We don't want to continue to struggle with our mental health, our weight, the weight of others, love, complacency, or fill in the blank with that one thing you are currently struggling with. Today, we are breaking up with our struggle story. 

You’ve carried enough. The weight of potential. The silence of being misunderstood. The shame of staying too long. The ache of releasing something you wanted to work so badly.

But what if I told you:

You don’t owe a comeback story.

You don’t have to prove your strength by surviving chaos anymore.

Sis, this new chapter?

It’s not about bouncing back, it’s about breaking free.

This season is about softness without guilt.

Simplicity without shame.

Sovereignty over your time, your peace, your energy.

You’re allowed to heal without performing it. You’re allowed to move in silence, to take walks that no one tracks, to pray in whispers, and to build a life so aligned, it doesn’t need an announcement.

Lately, you've been redefining everything:

• Success is peace.

• Wealth is rest.

• Health is listening to your body, honoring your boundaries, and letting God reorder your steps.

• Love? It’s sacred, not sacrificial.

You're not lazy, Sis. You're liberating yourself.

You're not behind. You're being rebuilt.

You’re not waiting on a breakthrough. You are the breakthrough.

Journal Prompt:

What am I no longer available for—and what am I making sacred space to receive?

Affirmation:

“I release the need to hustle for healing. I choose ease. I choose joy. I choose me.”

Sis, if you needed a sign to stop running back to what hurt, this is it. You are not called to carry what God has asked you to lay down.

Breathe deeper. Walk lighter. Live freer.

You owe no one an explanation for your peace.

With grace and truth,

Drea

Your Brown Girl From Boston

 

Daily Mantra for Thriving and Surviving

 

Black Communities Conference 2018: Economics highlight

Andrea C. Imafidon had the distinct honor and privilege to speak alongside Black, brilliant, and innovated speakers. Check the highlight video to get a glimpse of the Black Communities Conference in Durham, NC. The next conference will be held the week of September 9-11 2019! BlackCommunities.unc.edu

Self-Care for Brown Girls: Forgiveness is the Highest Form of Healing

#SelfCareforBrownGirls: Forgiveness is the highest form of healing. To start your journey of healing, please start forgiving yourself and others. Forgiveness will free you. 

Self-Care for Brown Girls Workbook: http://bit.ly/SelfCareforBrownGirls

Benton Nissan

I want to debut my first commercial with the Brown Girl Tribe!

I’m excited that I was at least in three shots. S/O to my husband on the commercial, Kenzie, for giving me pointers from acting classes. This isn’t my first rodeo on being on television. I am excited that I was able to have my confidence build up enough to even submit my headshot and portfolio after being diagnosed with hypothyroidism and fibroids which altered my outer looks but didn’t hinder my inner FLYness. 

Sometimes, you have to make bold moves to step into your purpose and life Assignment. I’m not saying being an actress is my life Assignment but I’m saying what is for you is for you despite how you may see yourself. While you may temporarily see “ugliness” someone may see beauty and gracefulness. 

Keep chasing purpose not paper. Keep cultivating your inner FLYness and beauty. You never know who you are inspiring!

My first commercial with Benton Nissan!

NBP21: Professional and Personal Development with Andrea Imafidon

In today’s episode we talk about the “hustle & grind”, #GetPaidNotPlayed, three tips to manage your business tasks with ease instead of overwhelm, steps to maintaining a growth mindset, the story behind the business name, overcoming adversity, the importance of a strong support system and journaling to grow.

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS PODCAST EPISODE: The story behind Andrea’s business name and how it embodies Andrea’s business message. Andrea’s process to supporting her clients to grow via. “growth work” Overcoming adversity & negative energy with a strong support system, self love and long drives. Three ways to manage your business. Seeing the beauty in the every day and finding time for movement. ANDREA IMAFIDON SAID: “Seeing the greatness in people when they don't see it themselves.”

“Using your own voice and own power in situations.”

“We have been created to serve a purpose.”

“Hearing your own soul voice.”

“Having a voice is my WHY.”

HEAR MORE ABOUT ANDREA IMAFIDON: Andrea C. Imafidon, MSW is a certified Personal and Professional Development coach and image and brand consultant, who helps individuals, organizations, and small businesses become their best version of themselves on and offline through personal and professional image and branding and goal setting. She is also a speaker, mentor, digital storyteller and social media consultant. She is the digital storyteller and content creator at Brown Girl From Boston. She served as a guest blogger on “Blavity”, “Black and Married with Kids” and “xoNecole”. She also appeared on TLC’s Bling It On with Sondra Celli. Andrea is the author of three books, “Manifesting Your Greatness,” a goal setting book to help others to become goal getters, “Turning Your Passion Into A Paycheck: How to Monetize Your Passion, Strengths, and Gifts,” which is a guide to starting your startup and Self-Care For Brown Girls a healthy and holistic guide for Black and Brown women to truly and unapologetically take care of themselves. Andrea is a 2016 RISBJ Women to Watch Entrepreneurial Women to Watch nominee. Andrea served as a Social Media Roundtable Expert at the 2016 Massachusetts Conference for Women. She also served as an entrepreneurship mentor for South Coast Entrepreneurship for All (EforAll). She is the 2014 Practico Innovation Business Pitch Idea Winner for her StartSavvy app.

Andrea Imafidon is a professional coach with a certification in personal development coaching from The CaPP Institute. She earned an M.S. in Social Work from The University of Southern Mississippi and a B.S. in Social Work from Tuskegee University.

FAVOURITE QUOTE TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD Progress Over Perfection

ONE BOOK YOU SHOULD READ The Power of Broke by Daymond John


In today’s episode we talk about the “hustle & grind”, #GetPaidNotPlayed, three tips to manage your business tasks with ease instead of overwhelm, steps to maintaining a growth mindset, the story behind the business name, overcoming adversity, the importance of a strong support system and journaling to grow.

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS PODCAST EPISODE: The story behind Andrea’s business name and how it embodies Andrea’s business message. Andrea’s process to supporting her clients to grow via. “growth work” Overcoming adversity & negative energy with a strong support system, self love and long drives. Three ways to manage your business. Seeing the beauty in the every day and finding time for movement. ANDREA IMAFIDON SAID: “Seeing the greatness in people when they don't see it themselves.”

“Using your own voice and own power in situations.”

“We have been created to serve a purpose.”

“Hearing your own soul voice.”

“Having a voice is my WHY.”

HEAR MORE ABOUT ANDREA IMAFIDON: Andrea C. Imafidon, MSW is a certified Personal and Professional Development coach and image and brand consultant, who helps individuals, organizations, and small businesses become their best version of themselves on and offline through personal and professional image and branding and goal setting. She is also a speaker, mentor, digital storyteller and social media consultant. She is the digital storyteller and content creator at Brown Girl From Boston. She served as a guest blogger on “Blavity”, “Black and Married with Kids” and “xoNecole”. She also appeared on TLC’s Bling It On with Sondra Celli. Andrea is the author of three books, “Manifesting Your Greatness,” a goal setting book to help others to become goal getters, “Turning Your Passion Into A Paycheck: How to Monetize Your Passion, Strengths, and Gifts,” which is a guide to starting your startup and Self-Care For Brown Girls a healthy and holistic guide for Black and Brown women to truly and unapologetically take care of themselves. Andrea is a 2016 RISBJ Women to Watch Entrepreneurial Women to Watch nominee. Andrea served as a Social Media Roundtable Expert at the 2016 Massachusetts Conference for Women. She also served as an entrepreneurship mentor for South Coast Entrepreneurship for All (EforAll). She is the 2014 Practico Innovation Business Pitch Idea Winner for her StartSavvy app.

Andrea Imafidon is a professional coach with a certification in personal development coaching from The CaPP Institute. She earned an M.S. in Social Work from The University of Southern Mississippi and a B.S. in Social Work from Tuskegee University.

FAVOURITE QUOTE TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD Progress Over Perfection

ONE BOOK YOU SHOULD READ The Power of Broke by Daymond John

Andrea Imafidon | Tough Times Don't Last Forever | #BostonHighlight

Support Your Family and Friends Wholeheartedly! (Video)

Please support your family and friends that are doing positive and awesome things in life. Stop jumping on trends and stop celebrity worshipping. Your people need your support wholeheartedly.

Why You Shouldn't Fake It Until You Make It! (Video)

Get Your Free FLYness Cheat Sheet! 

4 A.M Ramblings

"I hear them screaming', want me back, oh

I thought you didn't believe me, I was wack, oh

You want the in between Fellini, white and black, um

Well, I don't know I feel a way, about your actions

What can you offer me, apologies

Security, amazing publicity

Or cult-status obscurity" - Jean Grae, You Don't Like It (So What)

You ever just laid in the bed and have some heavy wish on your heart, mind, and spirit? Can't shake it. Can't ignore it. You just have to put the pen to paper or fingers to the screen and just rambling on. Ideas and thoughts are not going to be perfect, cohesive, or comprehensive because when it come so fast in your mind, it is rambling. What are Ramblings? Rumblings are struggling or sprawling haphazardly; unplanned: a rambling old house. 2. (Of speech or writing) lacking a coherent plan; diffuse and disconnected.

Often, we are often afraid of the solitude of ramblings that we often run to social media and have someone who probably doesn't care validate or invalidate our Ramblings because we live in a world in which we have to run to someone or something to say "Hey is okay for me to ramble on about this?" Hmmm. It is okay to ramble on about life because it is okay to be human and it is okay to get things off our chest without the criticism, judgment, and approval of others. I guess this is what this blog post is about... The random 4A.M. ramblings that we all experience.

Here goes my unapologetic, unashamed, unadulterated, and uncensored 4 A.M. Ramblings. If you feel this post cool and if you don't feel it and never could take your mask and talk about your Ramblings cool. I still love you and you are still down with the tribe. 

I am laying in bed can't sleep because I am turned inward and reflecting on my current mindset. For the past nine months or so, I have been functioning at low capacity because I was lying to myself, hiding behind my work, not showing up for myself, my husband, or obligations because I wasn't being the best version of myself. I was literally and figuratively beating myself down psychological and emotionally because I truly haven't dealt with my losses, misfortunes, mistakes; and the how did I get here again.

I compared my current life to those snapshots of the idealistic life of social media. I have holistically beat down myself and my husband because we couldn't keep up with the appearance of vacation year world around the world. We didn't have a home to brag about or entertain in like so and so. We didn't have the money to throw a full out wedding affair like so and so! 

I was bombarded by falsehood and a snapshot of reality that I suffered in silence until I said enough was enough. How was I so deep in depression, anger, and envy that I totally checked out which cripples my day to day function? I mean from the outside you think I am doing it well. I got the husband. I got the blog. I got speaking engagements. I am taking photos and doing videos to coach others how to get money and live a passionate and purposeful life while I was slowly dying inside. I am not in alignment of being my best version of self or being FLY because I am chasing the societal viewpoint of success. I am chasing the snapshot of folks who I barely know or use to know the version of success and not basking in my own success.

I watched this YouTube video which sparked this post. In the video, the person spoke about validation and self-esteem and I clutched my pearls because I was craving that outer validation from folks versus validation me. I was an active participant in my life for the wrong reasons. I wanted the money, fame, and accolades but not realizing I was so unhappy and so insecure. I just wanted to be a cool kid because deep down inside I felt a few voids that needed to be filled. I felt that I wasn't always the coolest because I was direct, clear, focused and assertive about my life. I always felt that I wasn't polished enough for my ultra feminine "friends" and those professional folks who I have to rub elbows with just to get business and probably don't obtain their business. I went against my own mission for my life: you are the round the way girl who enjoys, sports, hip hop, sneakers, talking trash, reading, techie-ish, wing night, and tomboyish. Like I truly alter my entire life to be down with whom and for what? I alter the way I talk because folks couldn't get down with my dialect because I don't sound like I'm from Boston so I must be lying or ignorant. I was constantly defending my writing, speaking and presentations because someone had an issue with how I worded something, sounding too raw, just mad at their own ish, but I took ownership of their ish and my ish which became too unbearable. At certain points in my life I got down with the get down because I didn't want any issues of being too rough, too Bossy, how is she educated but she doesn't follow the Black educated professional protocol. So I filter my life, rarely showed up for the true Andrea Camille Stallworth Imafidon and got lost in the shuffle of filtered snapshots of unrealistic that kept me nonviable and undervalued.

I remember my husband asked me what happened to that girl who was once determined, carefree, and secures within self, girl.  I had to take a step back a recognize that that girl is still within I covered it with trying to be down with the cool kids, whoever they are because the cool kids are just a false sense of image and often forget they are imperfect and trying to keep up with the other cool kids. I am all set with trying to keep up with the fake facade and fake coolness. 

Peace, Love, and FLYness,

Drea

Brown Girl From Boston

#MoneyMakingMonday: Can Love and Business Mix? (Video)

#WorkinProgressWednesday: Did you achieve your goals for August? (Video)

(Video) From The Vault: Brown Girl From Boston's Founder, Andrea C. Imafidon Featured on TLC's Bling It On