"Black men struggle with masculinity so much. The idea that we must always be strong presses us all down - it keeps us from growing." -Donald Glover.
I was privileged to present to a group of Young Black Kings and Young Gods in my hometown (Boston). I have to give a significant big up to my sister-friend, Michelle, for seeing the greatness and Goddess within me and suggesting me as a workshop facilitator to the Boys 2 Men group mentoring program coordinator. I am thankful whenever the youth are involved, and I can insert my knowledge, wisdom, and life experience into them. I remember being a teenager in Boston and having some influential Black community leaders and role models from various professions also pour into me. Each One, Teach One.
I am thankful that I grew up with all the guys who have guy friends and a husband; I have observed various masculinity, insecurities of being male, hardships, and overall men's issues. I took all that knowledge and studies and presented "What Masculinity Looks Like From A Women's Perspective and Respect Our Boundaries." I had to place myself in the shoes of the young Kings and their inner issues to develop the concept and imagery because young men need to understand how to transition from boyhood to manhood without being effeminized as some women would love to do to men. There is indeed a war going on outside with the Effeminization (to give a (more) feminine, effeminate, or womanly quality or appearance to; "This hairdo feminizes the man) of Black Boys and Men. (Research and do your own due diligence) It takes the right person to bring the balance of feminine and masculine energy together versus getting all my feminine energy, thoughts, and beliefs and placing them on these young gentlemen. We all have both energies that keep life in check and balance. When you have the wrong person (woman) trying to insert and force all their feminine energy onto young men, it never goes well because they are at the age in which they are freely exploring who they are, and they need someone to love and guide them during the self-exploration stage. My mission and vision of the workshop were to identify and define black masculinity, their role in society, how society views them, boundaries within self and relationships, and open-mind and open-heart dialogue.
My job as the workshop facilitator was to explore masculinity from their and my point of view and merge the two together, along with understanding boundaries and respect within relationships. I appreciate the young men's honesty, rawness, and unadulteration because they expressed themselves unapologetically, asked questions, and listened. As adults, we want to be authoritative to these youths, and we lose them instead of bringing balance, non-judgment, love, kindness, open hearts, and open minds. Remember being a teenager? I remember being a teenager wanting to be heard, validated, and guided. Hence, I played sports, worked, mentored, and went to leadership camps because I thrived on bridging the gap between teenagers and adults. We wanted the same thing for adults, especially those outside the parental unit, because we didn't want our parents to explore or expose our insecurities and self-consciousness to our family, neighbors, or favorite cousins who would never let it go. Whenever I present to teenagers, I come with an open heart and show empathy because I was a teenager at one point in my life. While I had Blackplanet and AOL chat rooms (LOL), I still didn't face as much struggle and challenges as today's youth. Today's youths, especially Brown and Black youths, are being exposed to various things such as cyberbullying, watching and playing violent, over and hyper-sexualized, and traumatizing videos and shows on TV, YouTube, and other social media outlets, to listening to "Shit Hop" AKA Mainstream/Corporatize/Prison to Pipeline Rap music (this is coming from a Hip Hop Head) that is warping and casting a spell of the mindset of the youths and even some adults that are mature or suffer from cognitive dissonance. This is what I am faced with while trying to shape the minds of the youth.
Back to the topic! I thoroughly enjoyed listening, learning, and analyzing the words, actions, and behaviors of these young men because they taught me a lot about their intelligence level, maturity level, environment, and the overall potential they have if they stay on the course of being part of mentorship with the guidance of two knowledgeable, discipline, and loving Black brothers. I created an imagery board to display the various masculinities from the point of view of popular culture. The opinions and dialogue opened up by reviewing the board and asking about masculinity. The answers were out of this world. I had a few young men tell me that Drake is a bad example of masculinity because of his lyrics promoting being promiscuous, taking other men's women, and having sex with them, etc. We discussed James St. Patrick (Ghost) and Omari Hardwick from Power.
The great conversation around him because he can be hyper-masculinity something that most men strive to be because he gets street cred for being a big-time drug dealer and owning a nightclub while having a side chick along with being married to his wife who is the "ride or die" Most young men didn't feel that image because they felt he wasn't honest, loyal, and loving because of his lifestyle. Lastly, we spoke about President Barack H. Obama, whom the young men admired because he could be the President of the United States without hearing any drama, gossip, or scandals surrounding him. They said they admire his masculinity because he is smooth, married, Black, single-parent, and well-educated. When we discussed the marriage aspect, one young man stated, "Marriage is for White people and not Black people." So, I explored that statement more because I wanted to know where he got that concept from and how it can turn into a teachable moment. The young man stated that he doesn't know anyone married because all he knows is that fathers come and go, leave their mothers, have more children, and never commit to anyone. He also stated that it is normal where he comes from and that the only reason why President Obama is married is that he is half-white. I had to dispel that myth because, as a Black Woman who has been married to a Black Man for almost six years, I have witnessed healthy and unhealthy relationships. Marriage is for mature and understanding people who love one another and strive to be their best version to make the marriage work. When I explained this to the young gentlemen and discussed my own relationship with my husband, I saw the light bulb go off, and their minds shifted because marriage isn't just for White people.
Overall, I enjoyed presenting to this group because I grew as a woman, wife, spiritual mother, and one day physical mother. I have learned that it takes a village and balance to raise children. We must be more proactive in our youths' lives instead of being judgmental, finger-pointing, blaming, and authoritative. We must teach young men boundaries, respect, and unconditional love. We also need to let these young men know that it is okay to be who they are: intelligent, athletic, inquisitive, kind, strong, well-educated, loving, monogamous, husbands, homeowners, entrepreneurs, and all positive things. We should try to dumb down the youth because they know what they want and have no problem telling you. We need to be the change agents and display appropriate actions. We must teach about consent, boundaries, the consequences of crossing borders, the importance of a family unit, social media dangers, and critical thinking. When I left the young men yesterday, I gave them a lot of homework and research on consent laws, goal setting, boundaries within relationships, positive and conscious Hip Hop, role models, and self-define themselves. We also must teach our boys that they are not niggas. They are Kings, Gentlemen, Classic Men, Gods, and most important essential. We need to encourage them that being intelligent is cool. Being an independent thinker is cool. Being a leader is cool. Being involved in STEM, school clubs, activities, and sports is fantastic.
If you read this blog post, please consider being a mentor, volunteer, foster parent, role model, and positive figure in a young person's life. They need us, and we need them.
Want to Become A Mentor? Sign up at Mentoring.Org
Want to Become A Volunteer and Give Back to Your Community? Sign up at Volunteer Match
Love, Light, and FLYness,
Drea
