The Guide to Embracing Change and Developing Positive Habits: Blog Featured Author: Kevin Ogle

 

Change is an unavoidable aspect of life, and it can be overwhelming, particularly when attempting to establish new behaviors. Feeling intimidated or disheartened is natural when faced with a fresh or distinct challenge. However, change is vital for personal and professional growth. This article will examine methods for welcoming change and positioning yourself for triumph with constructive routines. By using these recommendations shared below by Brown Girl From Boston, you'll be able to cultivate the appropriate mentality, foster beneficial connections, and sustain your motivation on the journey to achievement.

Embrace the Power of Small Actions

Change doesn’t happen overnight, so take small steps to start. Break your goals into smaller, achievable tasks, and don’t expect perfection. Consistency is key, so commit to your daily routine and keep pushing yourself forward.

Form and Market a Business

Starting your own business can be an exciting and rewarding change in your life. However, taking the necessary steps to protect yourself and your business is important. One popular way to do this is by forming a limited liability company (LLC). An LLC provides personal liability protection for the business owners while allowing for more flexible management than a corporation.

Next, it’s time to start marketing. Spreading the word via social media is a great place to start, but supplement this with some time-tested approaches like business cards. If you aren’t sure where to start, some tools provide plenty of templates for business card designs that you can customize. From there, share business cards with potential customers and leave some at coffee shops and restaurants.

Why Having a Mentor is Crucial for Success

A mentor can offer guidance and support when you’re facing new challenges. Look for someone who has expertise in your field or has been through a similar experience to yours. A mentor can provide valuable insights and help you avoid common pitfalls, putting you on a faster track to success.

Head Back to School

Returning to school can be pivotal, opening doors to personal growth, new opportunities, and a renewed sense of purpose. Whether formal or informal, education often contributes to a more positive outlook on life by broadening horizons and instilling confidence. With the advancements in digital education, going back to school online has become an accessible and flexible option for many. For instance, pursuing an online business bachelor's degree provides a well-rounded understanding of principles, economics, finance, marketing, and operations, equipping individuals with comprehensive knowledge to excel in the modern business landscape.

Practicing Self-Talk Can Boost Your Confidence

Your mindset plays a crucial role in change and personal growth. Speak kindly and positively to yourself, and visualize success. Take time to reflect and focus on the good things that come with progress and goals achieved.

The Importance of Establishing Supportive Relationships

A strong support system can make all the difference when dealing with change. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, encourage you, and inspire you to grow. Avoid people who bring negativity, discouragement, or cause distractions.

Seek Healthier Friendships

Seeking healthier friendships is important in cultivating a supportive and positive social circle. Reconnecting can be a great way to rekindle those relationships if you've drifted apart from old friends and acquaintances over the years. One effective way to do this is by using a search engine to find fellow high school graduates from your hometown.

You can quickly access a list of potential contacts by simply typing in the necessary name, graduation date, and school. These search results often provide options to reach out and reconnect with long-ago friends, allowing you to revive old friendships that may have once played a significant role in your life. Re-establishing these connections can bring back fond memories and offer opportunities to build healthier, more fulfilling friendships.

Be Kind and Patient with Yourself

Change takes time and effort, so be gentle and patient with yourself. Understand that setbacks are normal, but don’t give up. Take time to rest, recharge, and celebrate small victories. Self-care habits like exercise, relaxation, or meditation can help you stay motivated and focused.

Celebrate Achievements

Tracking your progress can help you stay motivated and celebrate small achievements. Keep a journal or use an app to record your daily activities, goals achieved, progress, and setbacks. Celebrate your progress with a reward like a treat or a fun activity, and use the satisfaction to drive you onward.

It takes a lot of courage, discipline, and determination to embrace change and create positive habits. It’s not always easy, but being adaptable, persistent, and patient will help you navigate challenging times and stay on track. By following these tips, you’ll be better equipped to create the right environment for yourself and achieve your goals.

 

Please visit Kevin's amazing website at www.anxious.biz!

Being A Strong Black Woman Is Not My Calling

I woke up and decided being a Strong Black Woman was not my calling. Being a Strong Black Woman is not my ministry. I cannot and will no longer kill myself for the sake of keeping my career, keeping the peace, or settling for nonsense. I would rather avoid situations and environments where I must stay strong. 

I woke up and received a download from the Most High to write a quick blog post about being A Strong Black Woman and how I have suffered in silence while taking on unnecessary stress, nonsense, and toxic treatment from myself and others. I am unashamed to state that I brought into the narrative of being a Strong Black Woman and how to be unbothered and stoicism about things that do bother me, hinder me, and keep me stuck in this unhealed, traumatic, and perpetuated lie we have inherited from our ancestors, our Mothers, and other Black Women and often time society. Before getting into my story about being strong, I have to say this: being a Strong Black Woman is detrimental to our mental health, physical health, and spiritual health. 

It affects our mental health: It affects Black Women's mental health because we suffer in silence and internalize toxic messaging, wear a mask, can't be sensitive, and constantly suppress who we are. We have to put our needs on the back burner and become a martyr to be strong and stoic. 

It affects Black Women's physical health because when we internalize the messaging of being strong and not letting your hair down, we are stoicism and unbothered while we are suffering from high blood pressure, rising levels of cortisol, emotional eating, insomnia, underlying health issues such as an autoimmune disorder, fibroids, and more. Many Black Women are taught to be caregivers, prove their worth, and neglect themselves for the sake of pushing through and being strong because you cannot allow others to see you sweat while your mental and physical health is declining. 

It affects our spiritual health; faith and prayer are sometimes all we have. Still, even that is affected because you question the Most High on your internalized struggle: why are you dealing with difficult situations, people, and toxic environments. You become hopeless and helpless because you feel the highest abandon you, and your faith wavers. 

I have decided to break up with being strong because I am exhausted. I am tired of fronting and adopting the ideology of others because that doesn't work for me. One of my managers told me I needed to be strong and toughen up because the "students" would take advantage of me. I needed to rule with an iron fist. No, ma'am, that's not me. Plus, you get more with honey than you do with it. I will not subscribe to being a Strong Black Woman to appease other aggressive, harmful, and toxic Black Women. I refuse to prove my toughness because I come from a long line of Strong Black Women, but on the low, they were resilient; no doubt, they also died at young ages due to stoicism, aggressive stress, toxic environments, and caring for the needs of others while neglecting themselves. I am trading in strong for being soft, sensitive, and sensible. Sometimes, due to the environments and people I was surrounded by, I had to adapt to the Timberland Boot energy, aka being strong, independent, and fiery, but that was exhausting. When I am in survival mode or want to be heard and seen, I revert back to that energy. Still, it doesn't serve me and takes a significant hit on my mental health, physical health, and spiritual health because I was masking my true self instead of walking and living my truth. I have been told that you will have to deal with something and stop crying because people will take advantage of your "weakness" instead of, wow, you are empathetic. Let's cultivate that skill, which is a strength. 

Journal Prompt: Flyness, what are you done with? What are you going to replace that with?
 

What About Your Friends?

2020 mindset: We all have secret haters. Every smiling face that calls you “Fam,” “Sis,” or “bruh” is not your friend. Some people are out here are praying for your demise and downfall. Be careful of these people. Limit your access to these people. Listen to your intuition and let them go when your inner GPS alerts you of a redirection.

8 Qualities of a Great Friend:
1. Acceptance
2. Supportive
3. Reciprocity
4. Respect
5. Empathy
6. Loyalty
7. Honesty
8. Trust

Follow Drea on FB and IG @browngirlfromboston.
www.browngirlfromboston.com for all blog post and coaching needs

Young, Black and Broken: A Colorful Journey to Healing

"I've been on the low key grinding
(Grinding, grinding, grinding)
Learning on the low key, shining
Tryin' to keep to myself
But you bring me out of character
Every time again" -SZA, Go, Gina,

Happy New Year! What can I say about 2017? Well, it was filled with trials, tribulations, and triumphs. Yet, I've managed to survive and thrive. I became the poster child for the "Young, Black, and Broken" because I was that person in 2017! How Sway?

I was diagnosed with Chronic Anemia. Anemia is a condition in which you don't have enough healthy red blood cells to carry adequate oxygen to the body's tissues. Having anemia may make you feel tired and weak. On top of being diagnosed with anemia, I was also diagnosed with Uterine Fibroids. Yikes. Uterine fibroids are benign lumps that grow on the uterus. Symptoms may include heavy periods, cramping, painful sex, and an urge to urinate. Over 80% of African-American women will suffer from fibroids by the age of 50. 

Yo, I felt as if my life came crashing down at the same damn time. I had to cancel numerously speaking engagements and outings because I was that ill and broken. I had to schedule things around my menstrual cycle because my cycles were uncontrollable. My illness debilitated my whole life, to the point I suffered from depression and anxiety. I couldn't get out of bed. Some days I would just cry my heart out. There would be days, weeks, and some months that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror because I was broken and traumatized. When you can't enjoy, love, and trust the eyes looking back at you, that's brokenness, Flyness. 

Besides being broken, you also have others who take advantage of your brokenness. I had to go "hot ham hoe here we go again" on a few people who have taken advantage of my broken nature during this junction of my life. I just had enough of dealing with people, especially women who violated the sisterhood code. I was sick and tired of the f^&kery, thievery, and dishonesty. 

Literally, everything around me was falling apart. In February, my husband lost his job. Agh! When a man loses his career, he loses his confidence in providing for his family. The bad news kept coming, which included being denied into a program for 1st home buyers. We took the Ls and kept it moving. I figured we weren't meant to lay our foundation down in New England. Why force something when things are supposed to flow?

While our world came crashing down, my husband and I made a difficult decision to get the eff outta Providence and relocate Down South! Let's recap, shall we! My husband became unemployed in February. The surgery took place on March 31st; we packed our apartment and relocated on April 30th. Yes, we are still sane. 

I notified ten people about our relocation. On the other hand, my husband went and broadcasted all of our business on the Book! (Insert side-eye forever) Guess what? Everyone, including the fakers, snakes, fair-weather folks, and their Mama, reached out to be nosy! Mind you. These folks don't care about us! All of a sudden, you have a change of heart. Nah!

Dear God, I'm Here!

What Did I Learn During the 2017 Transition:
"Healing Hurts, Healing Sucks"  Since I've been on this journey of healing internally, I have realized life and recovery aren't linear! One minute you are completely okay; the next, you may be rocking back and forth doing the ugly cry because something triggered that unhealed situation.  You have to be vulnerable and ready to heal. Sometimes, healing includes sitting silently! Recovery involves honesty with yourself.  We are never prepared to hear the truth and often try to find an alternative way to heal instead of pain. Hence, we see many people self-medicate because many are in a state of trauma and can't bear to deal with reality. During my healing process, I got to reconnect with some dope people. I still cry from time to time. My marriage almost went to hell, but we are working on being better people and more divine spouses for one another. Another funny and strange thing about healing is when randoms such as exes, users, and old friends try to creep back into your life. Chile, who are you and what do you want?  I had to regain my strength, independence, and my holistic life. God is taking the wheel. I am letting ish go. I had to let my life crumble and rebuild. I am rebuilding and trusting the process like the Philadelphia 76ers. 

I Am Learning How to Love Drea Once Again! Loving yourself is a long-suffering, everlasting, cold, warm, FLY, humbling experience. Yo, self-love, and healing are scary. AF is exciting, carefree, ugly at times, sassy, FLY, rhythmic, Divine, spiritual, and Godly. Self-love is vital but complicated.  Self-love is a learned behavior that is somewhat innate. You would think it is natural, but somehow down the line, we often unlearn how to love ourselves because we are thrown into this abyss of self-sacrificing and putting ourselves last. 

People don't truly trust themselves because they don't recognize themselves, and often they don't love themselves. We get caught up with social media's controlled content, chasing the bag, chasing an illusion, and chasing nonsense. We get caught up with all these things and truly forget about our daily purpose: self-preservation, self-care, self-esteem, self-love, and self-respect. When we neglect these things, we often cheat ourselves and lessen ourselves to accept any low and basic behavior and habits.  Loving myself looks different daily. Loving myself consist of going to a Rapsody concert and allowing the boom-bap rap to uplift my spirit. Loving myself consist of walking away from negativity and toxicity. Loving myself standing on my square and speaking my truth to power. Loving myself consist of rocking me, accepting me, validating myself first in a cold world that often diminishes, degrade, dismiss, and disrespect the Black Woman, the Black Man, and Black Child. Loving myself consist of living an unapologetic, compassionate, and purposeful life. 

I also want to give flowers to the following people because they were instrumental in my healing process, and I bet they haven't known until now! So, giving flowers to My Mom, Jaquetta, Barby, Shemika, Markita, Michelle B., Michelle D., Chantal, Walter (My Mentor) and his wife Josefina, and Ms. Marilyn. 

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me via email and social media to offer light, support, and encouragement during a rough time in my life. I see you, baby, and keep shining. 

Thank you for reading this honest, raw, and unapologetic blog post. I hope you will take the time to tap into some unhealed spaces within to heal the pain. Remember to trust your colorful progress and process. 

Need to help with healing: Sign up for a free complimentary healing session: http://bit.ly/coachingwithbrowngirl

Support Your People, Support Black Businesses, Support Positivity!

#FLYFriday: Do you openly and honestly support your people? I mean truly support their up and coming business? Do you invest your time, energy, and money into their quality product/service or do you expect them to give you the hookup (Free $.99)? There are a lot of people who don't have the money, fame, or notoriety being overlooked on a daily basis because they are not deemed successful because they are not known around the world. I am hear to let you know that you need to support your local black businesses because they are doing the dang on thing.

People who are famous with money don't know you and perhaps don't care to know you. Stop glorying famous people with money and support the real. Support people you actually know who are doing amazing groundbreaking work!

Check out the video and actually watch it. Ponder upon it, share it, comment on it and if you have a solutions how we can better assist one another, please share that in the comment section.

Featured Blog Post: A Survival Guide for the Unemployed Spouse

This blog post was featured on Black and Married With Kids ( http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2014/09/how-to-help-an-unemployed-spouse-not-give-up/)

Whether you relocated for love, got laid off, or got a pink slip, this article is just for you. At one point in my life, I was one of 9.8 million people who were unemployed and married. I took the risk of giving up my career, comfortable living, and a steady paycheck for love and marriage. In relationships, you take the risk to be with the one you love and have faith that they have your best interest at heart. Relocating to the state of Rhode Island where the unemployment rate is at an all-time high of 12% in the United States was a daunting experience but we made it through. 

Tips for the Unemployed Spouse

1. Don’t beat yourself up about being unemployed. Forgive, love, and care about yourself. It is so easy to focus on the negatives because the negatives are constantly staring us in the face. 
2. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Pray, eat healthily, give yourself positive self-talk, get 8 hours of sleep, exercise, and take life one day at a time. Avoid consuming alcohol, substance abuse, and negativity.
3. Indulge in your passion; whether it is reading, writing, dancing, or running. All these things are great outlets to deal with the hurt, shame, or guilt of being unemployed. You have the time to act on it now.
4. If you are interested in entrepreneurship, being unemployed is the best time to start your business. Whether you have a passion for event planning, organizing, and other innovative ideas; indulge in your passion. What do you have to lose by starting a business?
5. Volunteering is a great way to perform an act of kindness by freely giving your time, effort, and talents for fulfilling duties in the community. Volunteering should be selfless, help build contacts, and help you gain rewarding experiences and blessings.

Tips for the Employed Spouse 

1. When your spouse loses their job, cheer them up by doing something special for him or her. Take them out for a night on the town and enjoy each other’s company. Distractions are key to show your support and love for your spouse. Make sure that you both live, love, and laugh!
2. Check your emotions and feelings. Do not chastise your spouse about their unemployment. Do not put extra pressure on your spouse to go back and search for employment immediately. Your spouse is putting tremendous pressure on him/her self to find employment.
3. Encourage your spouse during this adjustment period. Bring out the positive and unspoken skills, talents, and qualities your spouse possesses. For example, if your spouse is phenomenal at organizing, encourage your spouse to seek employment or start a small professional organizing business. 
4. Do not expect your spouse to become a domesticated housewife/husband, especially if they are used to being in the workforce. If your unemployed spouse did not cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner before being unemployed, why would you expect those services now? Your spouse is busy spending their time seeking employment, revamping resumes and cover letters.
5. If you are an entrepreneur, encourage your spouse to start a business based on their special talents, skills, or strengths. You know what it takes to start a business so assist and encourage your spouse to do the same.

Being unemployed can lower your self-esteem and confidence level due to society defining us by our jobs and the ability to bring home a steady paycheck. Remember, being unemployed is temporary. 

Thanks for reading!

Coaching Question: Have you ever lost your job? If so, how did you bounce from the lost? Comment below. 

I Was Sick And Tired of Being Sick and Tired: How Quitting My Job Led Me to My Passion

                           "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired."- Fannie Lou Hamer
In 2013, I was sick of tired of being sick and tired and I decided to transform my life by becoming a certified life, motivational and business coach. 


Drea's Journey to Coaching:

I've spent the last eight years providing therapy, case management and clinical direction to those who are in imminent crisis within their life. I have worked with dialysis clients to homicidal and suicidal youth and adolescents. I have witnessed the highest of highs and the lowest of lows as a master level social worker. I have watched and groomed myself to go from a case manager to Director of Social Services at a "premier" nonprofit. God have an amazing way to let you know that you are not maximizing your full potential.

Let's take it back to Summer 2013, I was thriving and loving my career as a Director of Social Services. I love my supervisor, work environment and colleagues. Despite, supervising three case managers with various personalities type, I maintained and thrived in that position. During the transition period, my supervisor called an emergency meeting to let the staff know that he and his family are being relocated to a new territory and to prepare for his departure. At first, I went through the denial period because I had a lot going on such as planning for my vow renewal ceremony, adjusting to the position and meeting a grant application deadline. My vow renewal ceremony came and went, the grant application was turned in and we received funding and I went away for a week to St. Thomas, USVI with my husband to celebrate our two year anniversary.

I truly believe that God was preparing me for my departure. When I returned from vacation, I was still in denial until I met my new supervisor. As soon as I met my new supervisor, I had a dark and heavy spirit come over me in which it was quite puzzling. I didn't ignore the feeling, I affirmed my feeling and started making preparations to fulfill my dream. My supervisor and I tried to build a working relationship in which it never flourished due to underlying issues, pre-judgement and miscommunication on both ends. We all play a part on the breakdown of the working relationship. I had to put on my big girl panties to take accountability for my role.

The Moment I Became Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired, Literally!

Fast forward to November/December 2013, I was on a teleclass hosted by Rosetta from Happy Black Woman. She had Valorie Burton, a certified coach and author on books such as positive psychology and coaching. Valorie was promoting her new book, "Happy Women Live Better" and briefly discuss her certified coaching programs. I knew I participated in that teleclass for a reason and that reason was to maximize my potential and fulfill my purpose. I remember buying "Happy Women Live Better" and it transformed my life because I was stuck, unhappy and stressed.

In December, I became extremely ill and suffered with work related illnesses such as migraines. I had migraines for days and weeks until I became hospitalized. The pivotal moment happened when my physician informed me that I need to take a medical leave and order me to bed rest. At that moment, I vowed to fulfill my purpose and never allow myself to endure injustice behavior and exist in chaos. My supervisor was furious at me because "I didn't appear sick" and I just wanted time off. Once I was cleared to return back to work, I informed my supervisor that it was my last day, turned in my keys and badge, collected my belongings and gracefully left. It was such as courageous and brave thing to do but I choose me over my "lucrative" salary and position. As soon as I left my job, I enrolled into Valorie Burton's CaPP (Coaching and Positive Psychology) Coaching Training Intensive program. I didn't know how I was going to afford and get to Virginia but God provided a way and I am thankful to him.

I am proud to say that I am a 2014 graduate of the CaPP: Coaching Training Intensive program and I am a certified personal coach. I am thankful that I went through my previous experience because I didn't know my own power and strength that I possessed. I am proud of myself because I advocated for myself and realize my worth is non-negotiable.

I tell my story because there are so many people especially women who are going through a horrific experience professional or personally. I am here to encourage and empower you to let you know that tough times don't last long and you have the power within to change the situation. It may feel and look uncomfortable and sometimes confusion but you are a powerful and amazing being. Keep pushing and remember you are stronger than what you think.

I love you all and you will get through it.

XOXO,

Drea

I want to hear from you! What are you sick and tired of? Are you ready to transform your life? Comment, share, or simply say hi.