Dear Sis, You Are Not Defective: You’re Evolving

Sis, let’s talk. Not the surface-level stuff. I’m talking about the real, raw, sometimes uncomfortable truth.

This week, I had to sit by myself. Not just the polished, got-it-together version — but the soul-stretched, emotionally drained, grieving version. The one who finally said, “Enough is enough.” The one who walked away, not out of bitterness, but out of deep, spiritual clarity.

Because, truth be told, sometimes relationships shift, not because we failed, but because we grew. We outgrew emotional dumping grounds. We outgrew being unseen. We outgrew the fight to be loved correctly.

Let’s be clear: being twice divorced, breaking off engagements, or not having a child by a certain age does not make you defective. You are not broken. You are not hard to love. You are not “too much.”

You are evolving.

You are shedding what no longer fits your soul — and yes, that’s painful. It’s grief. It’s confusing. It’s lying on the couch, wondering how you ended up here again. But it’s also sacred. Because grief is love in disguise. Grieving the fantasy, the expectations, the promises that were made but not honored. And still, you rise.

This week, I made a decision. I am reclaiming my voice, my body, my joy. I’m choosing softness, not weakness. I’m choosing peace, not people-pleasing. I’m choosing to show up for me, not for someone who’s not ready to meet me where I stand.

It’s okay if you’re in survival mode. It’s okay if you don’t feel strong right now. Just don’t forget: there’s another chapter after this one. Rest if you must. Cry if you need to. But trust, sis — you are rebuilding, not retreating.

God’s timing is divine. When it’s your turn, nothing-no detour, delay, or doubt-can block it. And when peace feels foreign, lean into this truth:

“So God created [Andrea] in His own image.” (Genesis 1:27 personalized — feel free to replace with your own name.)

You were created with purpose. Your softness, your fire, your intuition, your grace — it’s all by divine design.

So, here’s your reminder:

Take the nap.

Cut the cord.

Save your joy.

Reclaim your time.

Choose what aligns, not what drains.

And if no one told you today, sis — I see you. I love you. You are not alone.

Affirmation:

“I am not behind. I am becoming. And everything I’ve walked away from is making space for everything aligned to walk in.”

 

Dear Sis, Your Voice Matters

Dear Sis,

Your voice carries power. It’s the power to advocate for change, to challenge the status quo, and to inspire others to take action. But here’s the truth: showing up matters just as much as speaking out. It’s not only about standing up for yourself but also about lifting others up along the way.

We live in a time where division is amplified, arguments become the norm, and energy is often misplaced. It’s easy to organize and execute a debate or point fingers, but what about turning that energy into supporting one another? What about using that passion to plan and build instead of tear down? Sis, that diabolical work of separation has no place here.

This is the season to advocate, organize, plan, and execute—not for chaos, but for progress. Imagine the power of unity when we direct our focus toward solutions instead of contributing to the division. Think about the impact we can make when we channel our voices into movements that create lasting change for ourselves and our communities.

Let’s call it what it is: diabolical work when we let division stand in the way of collaboration. But Sis, we are better than that. We are built to be connectors, advocates, and changemakers. When we show up, we show out—not just for ourselves but for others who need to see that strength, that fire, that relentless hope for something better.

So, what will you do today to show up? How will you use your voice to inspire, heal, and uplift? Start small if you need to, but start. Together, we can turn things around.

Call to Action:

Dear Sis, let’s not just talk about change—let’s organize, plan, and execute it. The world needs us, and we need each other.

 

Dear Sis, You Can Find Love After a Divorce!

“Black love is a reminder of our resilience, our beauty, and the joy that grows when two hearts unite in purpose and passion.” – Unknown

Sis, I need you to know something: love after heartbreak is possible. It’s real. And it can happen at any age, including what I like to call “the big age.” At 41 years old, I recently got engaged—a beautiful surprise that has filled my heart with joy. But let me take you back a little because the journey wasn’t easy.

The Aftermath of Divorce

I never spoke much about my divorce. It was messy, traumatic, and painful. For two years, I went to therapy on and off, working to heal the hurt, unpack my emotions, and rebuild myself. I kept things private, avoiding the drama of "who did what", smear campaigns, and other gossip. I didn’t want to live in bitterness, so I focused on moving forward with grace and peace.

During my divorce, I didn’t date. I didn’t want to add another layer of pain by connecting with someone who might take advantage of my vulnerabilities. Instead, I focused on me. I cried, prayed, journaled, and rebuilt my life from the inside out. I even took solo trips, became my own best friend, and started to truly love myself.

A New Chapter Begins

After my divorce was finalized, I started dreaming again. I sat down and wrote a list of qualities I wanted in a partner, focusing on values and character rather than just surface-level desires. I surrendered it all to God and trusted Him to lead the way.

Fast forward to October 2022. I was at the Morehouse-Tuskegee football classic, looking and feeling my best, just minding my business. Out of nowhere, I heard someone call my name—"Miss Stallworth." I turned around, and there he was—an old friend from undergrad. What started as a chance encounter turned into something beautiful.

Our first “catch-up” outing turned into an unforgettable night. That friend I met in World History class at Tuskegee became my fiancé. And now, we’re planning the rest of our lives together.

Lessons and Love

For my sisters navigating life post-divorce, here’s my heart to yours:

• Heal Before You Love Again. Take the time to focus on yourself. Cry, journal, pray, and seek therapy if needed. Rebuild from within.
• Don’t Rush the Process. Dating during a vulnerable time can lead to soul ties you don’t want. Be intentional about your healing before putting yourself back out there.
• Be Open but Discern. Consult God about your relationships. Stop choosing your “type” if your type has consistently brought you pain.
• Glow Up and Evolve. Hit the gym, take solo trips, write love letters to yourself, and rediscover your passions.
• Explore New Spaces. Love may not be in your usual places. Try new events, hobbies, and locations.

Sis, bitterness will age you, but love—starting with self-love—will rejuvenate you. Don’t believe the myth that the dating pool is spoiled. Step into new spaces with confidence, trust God’s timing, and love yourself so fiercely that the right man recognizes your worth immediately.

Your future love is out there, Sis. But first, make sure you love and honor yourself fully. The journey may not be easy, but it’s worth it. Trust me, I’ve lived it. 💕

 

Food Deserts and a Solution

🚀 The Careerist Project is Back! 🚀

Are you ready to redefine what success looks like for you? We’re thrilled to kick off 2024 with our first workshop to help you create a healthy balance that brings purpose and confidence into your life.

Join Andrea and Shemika as they guide you through The Careerist Project, where you'll uncover strategies for identifying your core values and learning how they can transform your career and life.

Determine Your Worth | Discover Your Values | Embrace Your Confidence

Don’t miss this opportunity to invest in yourself and your future!

Date: 9/26/2024 Location: Remote/Zoom Register Here: https://us02web.zoom.us/.../tZctf-2tpjguH9Mzb7hvFh7cH...

Let's make 2024 the year you step into your full potential!

 

Mental Wellness with Prof. Drea

In this powerful YouTube video titled "Mental Wellness," Andrea C. Stallworth delves into the critical topic of mental health in the Black community, with a special focus on Black women's mental health. She shares insights on how to nurture holistic well-being by safeguarding the mind, body, and spirit. Andrea emphasizes the importance of self-care and offers practical tips on maintaining balance amidst the unique challenges faced by Black women. Whether you're seeking to enhance your mental wellness or looking for ways to support loved ones, this discussion provides valuable guidance on living a healthier, more fulfilled life.

Navigating Your First Year in Academia: Tips for New Professors

Going into my fourth year as an Assistant Professor, I can attest to how time-consuming and demanding this role can be, especially when you are a one-woman show. Academia and corporate America might share similar operating hours, but the nature of the work can be vastly different; for those new to the academic space, managing your time wisely is crucial. 

Here are some helpful tips to help you thrive in your first year: 

1. Embrace Digital Calendars Use digital calendars such as Google Calendar, Outlook, or your phone's native calendar app for all appointments, meetings, and events. This habit is life-saving as it helps you stay organized and ensures you make all essential commitments, such as your courses, seminars, and self-care time. 

2. Learn to Say No I would like to know when to say no to projects and extra tasks, which is essential. As tenure-track faculty, you must balance service, research, and scholarship. However, it's vital to recognize your limitations and stay calm during your first year. Overcommitting can lead to burnout, so prioritize your workload carefully. 

3. Utilize Office Hours Effectively. Office hours are a valuable resource. Typically, you may have three to six office hours per week. Use this time wisely to grade papers, handle university-related activities, and meet with students. Make sure to post your office hours clearly so students can drop in or schedule time for advisement, coaching, or support. 

4. Prioritize Self-Care Time management is not just about staying on task; it's also about taking care of yourself. Approach the semester one class, project, publication, and research task at a time. Avoid overcommitting and adding unnecessary stress. Ensure you eat well, stay hydrated, breathe deeply, stretch, laugh, move your body, connect with your support system, rest, recover, and repeat. Self-care is essential to maintaining your well-being and productivity. 

Final Thoughts:  Your first academic year can be exciting and overwhelming. You can navigate this new chapter by managing time wisely, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care. Just to remind you, seeking support from colleagues and mentors as you adjust to your new role is okay.

Best wishes on your academic journey