Depart From Me, Counterfeit

You have to learn how to decipher who is truly for you and who is not for you. Many times, we are tired, isolated, and hopeless because our phones are dry, social media does not hit the same anymore, and we just want excitement in our lives. In those moments, desperation can make us move without discernment, wisdom, or prayer.

But desperation will have you entertaining counterfeits. In this season of my life, I am rebuilding. My discernment and prayer life are at 1000. I no longer try to fix, repair, save, or change people because only the Most High God can truly do that. My job is to depart, pray for people’s deliverance, and keep moving forward in peace.

I knew God did not play about me when He dried up everything around me. He had me delete and block people. He had me forgive them and still block them. Some people think forgiveness means continued access, but sometimes God requires separation for your protection.

I remember dragging myself into my prayer closet early in the mornings just to cry and pray because I truly felt alone. There were mornings I did not even have words. But deep down, I knew God was protecting me and redirecting me toward better, healthier, and more aligned opportunities and blessings.

Now that I am in a rebuilding season with God, I am wiser, clearer, and more knowledgeable about people, patterns, and spiritual warfare. I have also learned something humbling: I am not a victim in every situation. Some things I experienced came from reaping what I had sown because I rushed processes, ignored discernment, forced connections, and held onto people and opportunities God was trying to remove from my life.

Reap What You Sow

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

— Galatians 6:7

The scripture above humbled me because sometimes we pray for deliverance while still entertaining what God told us to leave behind. People can truly look like they are the one for you. The best friend. The homegirl. The husband. The business partner. The opportunity. But not everybody who enters your life is assigned by God. Some people are distractions sent to delay you, drain you, confuse you, or keep you emotionally attached to dysfunction.

Meanwhile, your real A1s may look different.

Your real people will intercede in prayer for you. They will pour into you. They will hold you accountable. They will lovingly correct you when you are half-stepping. They will push you toward purpose instead of chaos. They will respect your boundaries and your growth.

That is why discernment matters.

You have to assess people by their fruit, not just by chemistry, attention, words, appearance, or potential.

The Fruit of the Spirit

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

— Galatians 5:22–23

What the Fruit of the Spirit Looks Like:

• Love

• Joy

• Peace

• Patience

• Kindness

• Goodness

• Faithfulness

• Gentleness

• Self-control

Everybody can say they love God, but fruit reveals character. Pay attention to how people move when they are angry. Pay attention to how they handle correction. Pay attention to how they treat people they cannot use. Pay attention to whether they bring confusion or peace into your life.

Discernment is not judging people harshly. Discernment is wisdom. It is spiritual protection and a boundary.

Depart From Me

If you find yourself entertaining counterfeit people, step back and ask yourself: Why am I forcing what God is trying to remove?

Some of us are out here confused, emotionally drained, and delusional because we keep holding onto people that God already exposed. Everybody who gives you attention is not assigned to you. Some people are distractions wrapped in good looks, smooth words, false comfort, or temporary excitement.

That is why you need discernment and prayer.

Depart From Me Scripture

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven… Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

— Matthew 7:21–23

Sometimes God will literally separate you from people because their presence is blocking your peace, purpose, growth, and obedience. You do not want to get caught up out here in these streets attached to counterfeits who leave you confused, spiritually drained, anxious, and disconnected from God.

Get away from that.

Spend time with the Most High. Spend time reading your Bible.

Spend time in prayer. Spend time healing instead of chasing validation, attention, or potential.

Isolation with God is better than confusion with counterfeits.

And listen, when God removes people from your life, let them go, honey.

Stop reopening doors God closed. Stop trying to rescue people God separated you from. Stop romanticizing dysfunction because you are lonely.

God is not removing people to punish you. He is protecting you. He is clearing space for peace, purpose, healing, divine connections, and better opportunities.

Some separations are blessings in disguise.

And let me say this too: some of y’all need discernment, prayer, AND therapy. Go sit on that couch and go talk to the lady. Be honest with the lady and be honest with yourself and DO THE INNER WORK!!!!

Healing is spiritual, but sometimes healing is also practical. Some people are carrying abandonment wounds, trauma, rejection, people-pleasing habits, low self-worth, and emotional chaos into every relationship and connection. Then, when things fall apart, they blame everybody except the unhealed parts of themselves.

Therapy helped me become more accountable, self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and honest with myself. Prayer is powerful, but God can also use wise counsel, licensed professionals, and safe spaces to help you heal.

There is nothing weak about getting help. Nothing is embarrassing about unpacking your pain. There is nothing wrong with learning healthier patterns.

Some folks are entertaining counterfeits because they are afraid to be alone. Some people are trauma-bonding instead of building healthy connections. Some people are addicted to chaos because peace feels unfamiliar.

Healing requires honesty.

You cannot pray for healthy relationships while ignoring unhealthy behaviors, unresolved wounds, lack of boundaries, or emotional dysfunction.

God will do His part, but you also have to do the work.

Pray.

Read your Bible.

Fast.

Journal.

Rest.

Go to therapy.

Set boundaries.

And stop giving everybody access to you.

Protect your peace, honey.

In this season, I am choosing peace over potential.

I am choosing prayer over panic.

I am choosing discernment over desperation.

And I am choosing obedience over attachment.

Some people are assignments.

Some people are lessons.

Some people are distractions.

And some people are divine.

Ask God for the wisdom to know the difference.

 

Establish Boundaries, Set Intentions

In this video, I share the importance of establishing and enforcing boundaries and intentions in your life. Learn how setting clear limits on what you accept and reject can help prevent others from playing with your emotions and time. Empower yourself to take control and build healthier relationships.

Learn How To Vet Properly

Brown Girl Mental Health Reminder

Hey Brown Girl Tribe! Just a reminder that it’s okay to take a mental health day, week or vacation. You don’t get a badge of honor for being overworked, overwhelmed, or burnout.

Use that PTO
Take those naps
Hydrate
Take a shower
Change your sheets
Go get a check-up (physical, emotional, spiritual)
Check-in with an EAP Counselor or therapist
Don’t try to be Superwomen or Superman.
That job will move on with or without you! 

 

#Unbothered

"You have to learn how to care about people without taking on all their problems."-Phylicia Rashad

On a daily basis, I am free, unbothered and an unapologetic FLY Brown Girl! But this week, I've been practicing being unbothered, unapologetic and Nae Nae-ing (made this one up) myself away from bullish. Baby, it has been an uphill battle because I am dealing with some bothersome folks and situations.

I drive my entire family Cray, Cray because I remain unbothered, calm and intact when bullish happen that is uncontrollable. To them, they feel as if I don't give zero "Fs" but in my mind is true. I continue to emphasize to my family, especially to my mother and husband, that I have to keep my stress low because I am battling my autoimmune disease. I refuse to use my illness as a crutch and keep being unbothered. I don't have time for going 0 for 100 with them because I have a lot at stake. The stakes are high when it comes to a Cray, crazy situation.

Anyways, we finally made it through my oldest brother's wedding and everything went Cray, Cray, but it was a beautiful, chaotic day. From unsure thoughts of marriage, my original bridesmaid dress not fitting, being a wedding coordinator, my brother's last minute wedding meltdown, my mother's "Ah Lawd" meltdown and I was outdone by everyone and everything.

I have been breathing, praying, meditating and getting away from it all. I had to be the daughter, life coach, therapist, supportive and assertive little sister, daughter, and voice of reason. I came to the conclusion that I am done and it wasn't worth getting myself worked up. I am coping by strongly standing in my truth, saying 'No' firmly and being unbothered in a somewhat bothersome situation. Am I pissing off a lot of people by being unbothered? You damn right, my folks are pissed but I am dealing with compassion burnout, an autoimmune disease with further unknown illnesses, and self-image and body shaming issues from a family member who shall remain nameless until the next blog post due to the fluctuation of weight, mood swings, and other BS.

Despite dealing with all this, I am unapologetically FLY and loving myself through these bothersome issues and situations that I am dealing with. It is hella challenging, but Jehovah is helping me develop more thickness of the skin, love for myself and being self-acceptance of self. I am all that I have and I must love myself through every challenge.

Chile, please stop allowing bother some people and situation kill your energy and vibe. Here are five ways to be unbothered in a somewhat bothersome situation:

1. Know who you are and knows what make you tick! Many times we take on a lot of peoples is forward to be "Captain Save the World" and  "S (hero). Say no to saving folks, especially able-bodied folks who are capable of saving themselves. You are not Jehovah, Jesus, Allah or whoever else. As Project Pat said, don't save them, they don't want to be saved.

2. Stop holding your breath! Whenever we are stressed, burnout or just over it, we usually hold our breath. Holding your breath, stop the flow and forces us to hold on to our problems inward, which cause stress, illness, and other issues. When we breathe in we are regrouping, refreshing and resetting our energy. When we breathe out we are releasing toxins, negativity, aggravation, thoughts and clear our minds.

3. Stand on Your Truth! Many of us go along with the program, straddle the fence and conform to please others while we are unsatisfied. If you don't like something, someone or a situation speaks your truth in a loving but firm manner. I added loving because you must murder people with love because they expect bitterness from people who are speaking and standing for truth. People pleasers never win nor happy because they lose their voice and power by giving to people who don't deserve it.

4. Remove yourself from the bothersome situation! I have learned how to physically, mentally and emotionally remove myself from bothersome people and situations. These situations and people are harmful, detrimental and useless.  We use great energy trying to figure out bothersome and chaotic people and situations. Please, stop it. These situations and people have an understanding and relationship with one another that is confusing, dysfunctional and abusive. Run far away from it.

5. Find your solace to keep your inner peace! Many people who are bothersome haven't found peace within, and like to disrupt others who are peaceful. You have to protect your solace by any means necessary. Find your sacred and safe place where you can let your hair down, be comfortable in your skin, and cleanse your mind, body, and spirit. Dealing with a bothersome situation and people will drain your entire energy, disrupt your peace and take away your joy!

Remember, when you encounter a bothersome person and situations, RUN! It is none of your business, stop trying to slap back at everything and everyone that is bothersome because they are pros at being bothersome and protect your FLYness. You are too FLY to be bothered.

Thank you for reading and supporting Brown Girl From Boston!

Love and Light,

Drea